Mysterious Visitor

Yesterday at church we had an unusual guest.  He appeared scruffy and tired, wearing dark, worn, ill-fitting clothes.  His hair was disheveled, refusing to stay put even after his repeated attempts to pat it down.  His face was creased with lines of care, the brown eyes tucked under a heavy brow.   I believe everyone noticed him, not necessarily because of his appearance, but because he brought so much baggage with him.   

He carried a large black backpack slung over his shoulders and another duffle bag in tow - the kind that maybe you’d pack to spend a summer away.   It took him a while, but he made his way down the long aisle in order to sit in the front pew before the altar. Another man from our congregation came to his aid after a few moments,  helping to seat him and find space for his gear.  

I have to admit, there was a bit of quiet buzz before worship, with several of us wondering about the unusual man.  He seemed a little disoriented; maybe he was drunk?  Maybe he is ill?  I started to silently pray for the man in the front row pew.  And I’ll admit something else... something shameful.  Fear crept into my thoughts as I began to wonder, what exactly does he have in those bags?  

Images came to mind of our persecuted brothers and sisters in Christ in the middle east...of terrorists and Boston and innocent people being killed.  Lord help me with my fears in this world.  I glanced over at our guest.   He was kneeling in prayer with his arms extended over the pew railing, his hands clasped.  I felt ashamed to be doubting this man and asked God to take captive my thoughts... to purify my heart.  And very soon my thoughts did a 180º, stirred by the remembrance of St. Matthew 25.  Jesus Christ has told us to love others, to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked... to show hospitality to strangers.  Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.  Have mercy on our church and allow us to respond to this man in a Christ-like way.

God blessed Khouria Eva to sit beside our guest yesterday.  She is always hospitable to our visitors and this man was no exception.  I noticed as she moved closer to quietly welcome the man, to guide him through our service book.  His face seemed to soften in gratitude as he looked at her.  

Our guest seemed very pious..humble and prayerful.  He was thoughtful and giving, too.  I saw him actually wave down the tray collector, who had passed by, in order to give his coins.  Only God truly knows what led him to worship with us yesterday.  Some said he mentioned being in the military, in the gulf war...something about friendly fire and seeking forgiveness.  I wish our guest had stayed to fellowship with us afterwards at our coffee hour.  But he left after communion... he left before we could ask about his needs.  

As they were so near to us, I watched the gentleman from our church help our guest again with his large bags.  I don’t know what was said, but just from observing their body language it seemed to me that our church member was asking our guest if he couldn’t stay... if he really wanted to go.  Our guest smiled and patted his heart, as if in assurance, and then he departed.  

Maybe he had received exactly what he came for.  The Church is a hospital for our souls... the wounded, the weary, the self-righteous, the judgmental, the broken... all of us sinners.  Maybe he wasn't there to receive anything at all...  

...perhaps he was a gift to us to remind us what it is to love our neighbor.  †  

Only God knows.

Unlike the Whitewashed Tombs...

We, as Christians are called to be full of Truth so that our outward appearance of serving Christ matches the inner reality of honestly serving Him.  We have a high calling in this life!  We, the Church, are the Bride of Christ and called to holiness, to be light in this world... to be a beacon on the hill. (St. Matthew 5)

I am feeling very blessed today, very humbled and profoundly grateful for the events that have come my way in the past three weeks.  For more than a year, since learning about human sex trafficking, I have felt compelled to do my part in stopping this horrific crime - to raise awareness, to pray for captives and encourage others to do the same.     At times I’ve felt despondent, even angry with God for not showing me what to DO with all the STUFF welling up in my heart.  

There are so many lessons to learn in our journey with Christ on this earth, not the least of which is from Isaiah 30 - to wait patiently upon the Lord.  All things come to us for our salvation and He grants us blessed freedom in how we respond to all situations.  We have a God of justice and he hears our cries, he works all things for good according to his purpose for those who love Him. (Romans 8) 

Sometimes I understand the answer to a particular prayer through a gradual unfolding of events... the words of a friend or certain passage in Holy Scripture or other spiritual writing.  Sometimes I understand answered prayers because of healing or joy --  but in this recent case, the answers came like a BOLT of lightning to my soul:  resources that I needed came abounding, people came into my life (very unexpectedly) who have the same desire of heart, and doors have opened... hearts have opened; prayer warriors have come forth.  I am renewed in my faith and that’s why I’m sharing this with you.

Tree of Life, Bahrain

Do not be weary, do not give up ~ you will reap a harvest when the time is right!  (a paraphrase from Galatians 6:9)  Like a tree during seasons of drought, the roots are made stronger by digging deep for nourishment... so is our faith made stronger by waiting upon the Lord.  Be faithful to Him Who created the world and holds us in His mighty Hands, do not fail the test given to you.  

Know this:  when you are doing something to advance the Kingdom of Heaven, be prepared for attack from our enemy.  It is precisely those who are on God’s path that the enemy wishes to strike down; be prepared for battle.    Yes, that whole Ephesians 6 thing.   The spiritual armor spoken of there isn’t literary eloquence, it’s quite literally the shield of the human race.  Remember this when doubt comes... when your ideas are opposed by mediocre minds..when depression seeks to rob your joy.  Remember that the enemy wishes to overwhelm you, to render you numb and voiceless.  Remember the flaming darts of the enemy are extinguished by faith in our risen Savior, Who has overcome the world. 

Higher ground in the spiritual life is not achieved by comfort, when life is sterling.  It’s achieved by digging in, by doing what’s difficult, standing firm in your faith when  prayers are dry and answers seem hidden. .. it’s achieved by seeking humility amid anger, discouragement and fear.    It’s achieved by obedience to God.

      Whatever your struggles are today, may the God of peace be with you.

Why Fast?

 Matthew 6:16

“Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites do, for they neglect their appearance so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full."

Jesus did not say if you fast... he said "whenever" you fast.  He fully expected us to follow His example and fast.  In fact, Jesus says, as recorded in St. Mark chapter 6, that some things may not be accomplished except by prayer & fasting.

So why don't all Christians fast?

I've had conversations with Christians from different denominations on this topic, even people from different belief systems.   Did you know that atheists sometimes maintain a fast?  Satanists are familiar with fasting, not only as a means of detoxing the body, but as a "spiritual enhancement" in connection with their rituals.  Ramadan is one of the major fasting periods for Muslims.  

So, with people of many faiths observing a fast, why does it seem illusory to many Christians?  

"What is so different about the Christian fast?  And, why should we deny ourselves anyway?  I don't see how that gets me any closer to God", I hear people say.

Matthew 16:24  

"Then said Jesus unto His disciples,  if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. "

...emphasis mine.

Fr. Olaf, our priest, has said on more than one occasion that the first sin in the garden of Eden centered around pleasing the palate.  How fitting is it, then, for us to exert some struggle in disciplining this need, which for a lot of us becomes an indulgence every time we sit down to a meal.

Some things I've learned about fasting:

-  Every day I eat way more than my body requires to function. 

An average day for me includes a breakfast of fruit, bagel or a bowl of cold cereal.  Lunch might be a sandwich (PB & J!) , granola bar, yogurt and water.  Dinner may be a salad with spaghetti and bread.  And, considering that I'm not an athlete needing to consume x amount of calories per day, my intake is more than I need.

- Fasting, for the Christian, must include a focus on prayer and reading the Scriptures.  Otherwise, it's just a body detox or a requirement for blood work... or a recipe for grumpiness.  Fasting includes mental exercise, a training of our thoughts and focused nourishment.  

- Denying yourself palatal pleasures has spiritual rewards.

When spending a day in fasting and prayer, the intensity of the passions are subdued.   Whether you are consumed with anger, fear, resentment, bitterness, pride, jealousy...all the many pleasures and weapons of demons are shattered by prayer & fasting.

- I feel better physically, mentally and spiritually when I fast.

Once I get over that hump, that intense desire for chocolate or carbs or my favorite burger from Wendy's, I know I'll make it.  That intense desire DOES go away.  When I feel hungry, I've started asking myself, "do you want to eat an apple? a carrot?"  If not, then I'm not truly hungry, I just have a desire to please my palate.

-Fasting nourishes the new man.

St. Paul talks about the "new man" in his epistle to the Colossians (chapter 3) as compared to the "old man" and his deeds such as blasphemy, anger, wrath, and malice.  When we continually indulge in everything the flesh desires, whether it be food, tv, sex, drugs, money... we are nourishing the old man and remain weak spiritual infants.  Fasting, on the other hand, closes the door to passions so that the spiritual, or "new man" can become stronger.

-I've learned not to give up on a fast just because I slip up.

Occasionally giving into temptation is no reason to abandon a fast altogether.  The saints fall down, they get up, they fall down, they get up...

We must always begin again. 

Prayer, Like a Diamond

Whenever I get into a conversation about prayer, ultimately the question arises, “Do you really think we can change God’s mind?”  As mortals, it does seem supremely arrogant to entertain the thought that our wishes and desires move the hand of our omniscient God. We are instructed to pray “Thy will be done” but also to give our petitions to Him, as he loves us and desires to hear from us. (St. Matthew 6)

I don’t have all the answers about the incredible mystery of prayer, but what I have discovered are dimensions to prayer, like a multifaceted diamond. It's not as linear and simple as I used to think.   

One of those dimensions involves the heart of the person praying:  “The prayers of the righteous avail much.” (James 5) speaks to that aspect.  But what has been driven home for me lately is the facet of obedience as related to our prayer life.

It’s not just a matter of praying for someone or a situation; it’s the obedience of praying. It’s the praying when we don’t feel like it, when we feel dry and distant from God.  It’s the act of praying, that communion and worship of God that is both healing and cleansing to us.

I read a story recently, in the Sayings of the Desert Fathers, that illustrates my point [paraphrased] :

One of the monks came to his abba and asked him saying, "Abba, I feel nothing when I read the Bible or pray." So he told the monk to go to his cell and read the Bible and pray for 40 days.   The monk returned after the 40 days and said,  “I feel nothing”.  So abba told him to read & pray for another 40 days.  After 40 days, the monk returned and said again, “I do not feel anything”.  Then abba said to take a basket, fill it up with water and return it to him.  However, because of the weave, the water would not stay in, but drain through the bottom.

The monk tried many times to fill the basket with water but it would empty completely before reaching his destination.   So he came to his abba saying, "I could not get the water to stay in the basket."  So abba asked him saying, "Was there a difference in the basket before you put in the water and after?”  And the monk replied,  “Every time I put the water in, and it would drain, the basket gets washed and becomes whiter.”

So the abba said, "This is right, every time we pray, without noticing, our souls are being cleaned and when we read the Bible, even if we do not understand it at the time,  it is purifying us without realizing it."

The Hours of Prayer

If you’re from a Protestant background like me, you are probably familiar with the Lord’s Prayer and the Common Doxology, ie, Praise God from whom all blessings flow/ Praise Him, all creatures here below.... and that’s just about it, as far as prescribed corporate prayer goes. The rest includes our petitions to the Lord, all those for whom we are praying.

As I make my home now in the Orthodox Church, I’ve been introduced to many, many more corporate prayers. There are prayers the church says together during Liturgy on Sunday, during various feasts and fasts and prayers we say at home, at designated hours of the day. Well, my daily office (prayer rule) begins on arising and concludes when I lay my head down at night. I’m working on the in-between hours.

A friend asked me once, “Why would you say a prayer that has been written down hundreds of years ago? What’s wrong with spontaneous prayers from the heart?” “Nothing is wrong with spontaneous prayers from the heart”, I said ...”but how is reading a prayer any different from singing hymns that the church has been singing for generations?”

I was recently reminded by Fr. Seraphim that our corporate prayers, those of the daily office of Orthodox Christians, serve an important purpose: to daily instruct us in our relationship to God ...as in, who God IS. By saying them routinely, the words become easy to recall and, over time, they become prayer of the heart. If I am only bringing to God in my prayers a list of petitions, then how easy does it become to create God in my own image? And how easy is it to forget that I am a sinner...that I should be bowing down before my Lord in humility.

My prayer book, called the “Hours of Prayer” begins with the Midnight Office, or Prayers on Arising:

“In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Glory to you, O God, glory to you.

(Stand quietly for a few moments until mind and body are still; then again make three bows and begin:)

Through the prayers of our holy fathers, O Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us and save us. Amen.

Glory to you, O God, glory to you.

Heavenly King, Comforter, Spirit of truth, who art in all places and fillest all things, Treasury of all goods things and giver of life, come and dwell in us, and cleanse us from every stain, and save our souls, O Good One.

Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us. Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us. Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us.

Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, Now and ever unto the ages of ages. Amen.

All holy Trinity, have mercy on us. Lord pardon our sins. Master, forgive our transgressions. Holy One, visit and heal our infirmities to the glory of your name.

Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen.

Our Father, who are in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory, of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, now and ever and forever. Amen.

Lord have mercy

Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and forever. Amen.

Come, let us adore God, our King.

Come, let us adore Christ, our King and our God.

Come, let us adore and bow down to Christ Himself, our King and our God.”

It is called the Midnight Office, or Midnight Prayer, to commemorate the night on which Christ was delivered to the Jews. Originally, monastics would rise in the middle of the night to sing praises to God.

In these prayers, there is no room for my mind to wander or search for the right words. At the early hour of dawn, when I am struggling to wake from slumber, I am upheld by the strength and wisdom of corporate prayer. Standing in my prayer corner and lighting the candles, the cold darkness of morning is softly illumined by a visible reminder that Christ is Lord and all shall be well.

It’s an obedience that strengthens me spiritually, like nourishing rainfall for the garden.

Thoughts on Prayer

As I recently spoke to a church group on the topic of prayer, I thought I’d share some highlights here:

* Prayer is “raising up the heart and mind to God” - St. John of Damascus

* Prayer is an encounter and a relationship - by nature, a relationship implies mutual freedom. Archbishop Anthony Bloom’s book, Beginning to Pray, was most valuable in sharing why it is that we sense God’s absence at times. Even though God never abandons us, we do feel at times as though He is far away.

“If we could mechanically draw Him into an encounter, force Him to meet us, simply because we have chosen this moment to meet Him, there would be no relationship and no encounter. ...We complain that He does not make Himself present to us for the few minutes we reserve for Him, but what about the twenty-three and a half hours during which God may be knocking at our door and we answer , ‘I am too busy, I am sorry’ or when we do not answer at all because we do not even hear the knock at the door of our heart, of our minds, of our conscience, of our life.” -Anthony Bloom

* We discussed approaching prayer and the example given to us of the publican and the pharisee from St. Luke 18:9

* I encouraged the group to develop a Prayer Rule, or habit, by which they might be encouraged to pray even when they don’t FEEL like it, as oftentimes, the action begets the feeling.

* And, probably what I consider the most essential element in prayer is HUMILITY. The most profitable advice I ever received regarding prayer is humility. Of my many sins, I struggle with anger the most and have found it very difficult to pray during these times... wise counsel instructed me to immediately turn from my wrath, go to my prayer corner, make the sign of the cross and worship Almighty God with prostrations. This I did, while saying the Jesus Prayer and to my joy, God blessed me with that peace that passes all understanding. If nothing else I can share, it is that St. Anthony’s words ring true throughout the ages:

“I saw the snares that the enemy spreads out over the world and I said groaning, “What can get through from such snares?” Then I heard a voice saying to me, “humility” “.

P.S. ...I just love it when my internet searches lead me toward profitable discoveries. The beautiful watercolor is by Mirja Clement and titled, "Praying for the Bird". What a lovely surprise to see that she also writes byzantine icons.

Troubled Soul, Do Thy Work

Reviewing the news over the last few months concerning the financial crisis, in at least one article I read that church attendance had increased in the areas around Wall St.  ...pub attendance increased, too.

Intense times of turmoil and difficulty have this effect; we either drop to our knees and renew our relationship with the Almighty or we wring our hands and fret looking to ANYTHING else that will seem to ease the inner stress.  Worst of all is halting all fruitful activity in lieu of constant self-examination, condemnation and the path of destructive thinking -- the delight of demons.

A pearl of wisdom that I’ve known to be true for years but am just now prayerfully asking God to make real in my life is eloquently described by George MacDonald:

“Troubled soul, thou are not bound to feel but thou art bound to arise.  God loves thee whether thou feelest or not.  Thou canst not love when thou wilt, but thou art bound to fight the hatred in thee to the last.  Try not to feel good when thou art not good, but cry to Him who is good.  He changes not because thou changest.  Nay, He has an especial tenderness of love toward thee for that thou art in the dark and hast no light, and His heart is glad when thou doest arise and say, “I will go to my Father” ... Fold the arms of thy faith, and wait in the quietness until light goes up in thy darkness.  For the arms of thy Faith I say, but not of thy Action: bethink thee of something that thou oughtest to do, and go to do it, if it be but the sweeping of a room, or the preparing of a meal, or a visit to a friend.  Heed not thy feeling:  Do thy work.”

Such treasures to be found there...  for me, it is armor for spiritual warfare.  Heeding not our feelings of anxiety, relentless self-examination and doubt and instead, doing our work with faith in God --carrying on-- is the defeat of Satan.  Or, as St. Ilias the Presbyter said:

“Shaking a stick at dogs provokes their fury;  forcing oneself to pray in purity provokes the fury of the demons.”  

*Painting is by Charles Grant Beauregard (1856~1919)

Hello, God? Can you hear me now?

“Wait a minute, I’ve got a call on the other line.    Ok, I’m back, can you hear me?  Wait...let me walk over by the window.   How about now?    Ohhh...someone’s at the door, please hang on for me. All right, *sigh* I’m sorry, I really need to talk to you.  All is calm now, can you hear me clearly?  Yes?  Good.  Lord, I need some help.    I’m tired and I just can’t seem to get all my tasks done.;  I need more hours in the day.  My friend has just had surgery and I’m asking if you’ll please aid her recovery...  And could you please make Jane more easy to get along with?  I don’t know how to deal with her....  God?  Are you still there?    ...and just one more thing, would you please give me some patience right now? The kids still haven’t cleaned their rooms and I’ve tripped over their shoes and that squeaky thing on the kitchen floor three times now.  I’m about to blow my top.    I’m sorry, I wish I had more time but I have to go.  I have an appointment and can’t be late...I’ll talk with you again later”

*click*

Of all the possible distractions in prayer and worship, I am chief among them.  

I wrote previously that when I was frustrated in our Methodist Church, “I wasn’t getting anything out of it anymore!”  Well, this frustration was only part of the problem.  The larger difficulty was my perspective of what worship should be.  

Is worship for the believer?  If I’m not moved by the sermon or inspired by the choir, does this mean “real worship” has not occurred?   If the pastor was “off”  in his delivery and motivation, do I just shrug my shoulders and say he was having a bad day?  What am I suppose to “get out” of worship?

In truth, I should be on my hands and knees in worship praising God for His awesome mercy and love in my life.  My face should be on the ground at His feet!  It isn’t about me.  It isn’t about my preferences in worship music, church decor and the length of the sermon.  It’s about praising our Creator, the blessed Trinity in one God, the Father of Lights!    The question isn’t what do I “get out” of worship, it’s “what am I giving?”   

Praise God for His mercy and patience with me.  

As I can recall the first few months of worshipping at St. George Orthodox Cathedral, I distinctly remember the impact of hearing but not seeing the choir (the choir is located in the rear balcony above the nave) and watching the priest raise his arms upward in a gesture of worship to Christ our King with his back turned to the congregation.  This was worship like I had never experienced it before; worshipping with the priest, the clergy, the chanters, the readers...all of us, facing East, looking upward at those beautiful icons, smelling the heavenly incense and nothing in mind save Christ our King and Saviour.  Everything in the church, all that you see, hear, touch, taste and smell point to Christ our Redeemer...everything.   This is the worship described in Holy Scripture; praise God for healing in His house.  For as we give of ourselves in worship, as we empty our self-centeredness, so we receive His abundant grace.

God is always present.  The question isn’t “God, can you hear me now?”, it’s, “Amy, are you listening?”

Prayer & Contemplation

“Be still and know that I am God” from Psalm 46: 10 reminds us to put aside our busy activity, our worries, anxieties and fears and be quiet. How difficult that is with the lifestyles we lead today.

We’re constantly in motion and when we aren’t, we feel guilty. Or, maybe it’s just a mom-thing to feel guilty. We have an urgent sense of caring for our families, preparing meals, being the taxi to the next event, keeping the home in order, being a nurturer to our children and being accessible to them whenever they need us. The list is endless as we consider our active role as mothers, sisters, friends and wives.

On this theme of constant motion and activity, J. Philip Newell wrote: “It is a haunt of madness that reflects the self-destructiveness of refusing to be still”

As I’ve spoken to other mothers it’s a common occurrence that we understand one another when we say we are exhausted, that we fall into bed at night, wiped out. And even then, before we can rest our minds, we’re going over all the events of the day, checking off our mental lists and thinking about what we have to accomplish tomorrow. And, just before sleep there is that moment of prayer…while trailing off to slumber.

It’s no wonder we seek refreshment and books to inspire us…no wonder we long for vacations to lift us out of our daily routines and rest. We have to find a tangible reason to rest, something we’ve earned through hard work or a significant accomplishment. Then, aaahhhh…we feel justified in being still, on the beach or in the mountains or by some pristine lake.

This, however, was not the example set by Christ. His was a ministry of perfection, marked by obedience and balance. He taught, he healed, he feasted, he listened, he prayed, he rested, he fasted…in a rhythm that was nurturing to Him, nurturing to us as we follow His example.

Since becoming Orthodox, I have recovered a daily sense of spiritual refreshment through my prayer life. And this refreshment goes a long way toward my roles as mother, wife and friend... as we are comforted, so we may comfort another.

Not long ago, as the kids and I were having a devotion outside on a beautiful summer morning, I asked them to be quiet for two full minutes and see what they could hear. They closed their eyes and listened. Afterward, they told me they heard the birds singing, a distant lawn mower, the wind. How important it is that we learn how to quiet ourselves to be attentive to the world around us, to God speaking to our hearts in those quiet moments.

If we never take time to be still, how will we ever have anything to offer another?