Grief, Brokenness, and... Parades?

In the days since Izzy’s passing to heaven, our lives have been overwhelmed with blessings!  Yes, you read that right.  Our friend, Joe Quigley, the founder of Timmy’s Fund, told us those weeks ago:  Get ready and hold on, because the blessings are gonna flow!  He was spot on.

It happens every day that someone will tell me, or other family member, what an inspiration Izzy’s life has been to them, or that they were moved toward God at her service.  On some days I’ve melted into tears to witness the hand of God at work, being moved beyond words in knowing that our amazing God uses broken vessels to proclaim His perfect glory!   Some time ago, a friend wrote an insightful post titled, How deep the wound -- how much deeper the healing, and I’ve come to embrace this phrase and Truth wholeheartedly.  There is so much I have to say on the topic of pain and joy, but I’ll save that for next time.  For now, I want to share a very joyful moment or two.

The photos below depict just one of those abundant blessings:  Sts. Peter & Paul Catholic School wanted to do something special for my sister and family.  They gathered the students outdoors on a brisk spring day to release pink and purple balloons in memory of Izzy and to present a loving gift:  an adorable dogwood tree for the McManaway family to plant in their yard.  I love trees as gifts because they continue to bless others as they grow.  They provide not just the memory of that love shared, but cool shade on hot summer days (perfect for selling lemonade under!), fun in climbing sturdy limbs and in the case of dogwoods in particular, the joy in watching birds nest among the leaves and dine on their autumn berries.  Yes, a delightful gift indeed.  Our heartfelt thanks to all those at Sts. Peter & Paul Catholic School.

Releasing balloons at the school

Sis, giving and receiving hugs from the students

My sister,  ...a beautiful woman of God

Jenny with the new dogwood tree

Kind people ask how my sister, Jenny, and her family are doing.  They’re doing all right, they really are.  Everyone experiences and works through grief differently and I admire how my sister and brother-in-law take each day at a time,  allowing themselves time to be alone as well as embracing their friends and meeting life head-on.

They’ve been working in the yard, going to birthday parties and events at school,... then there’s softball and homework and the thoroughly enjoyable parade we held in front of their house yesterday evening.  I might show you those photos, too, if I weren’t such an incompetent smart phone user.  If you saw those pictures, you’d see my two nieces and daughter dressed in fancy attire with theater masks boasting tall feathers affixed to the top, batons and parasol in hand, all the while, pulling the youngest in a red wagon and dancing down the street.  For my own part, I followed along on my bicycle and nearly fell off from laughing so hard.  I’m in favor of having a parade at least once a week!

As always, THANK YOU for your prayers.  God hears, He answers and He sustains through His amazing grace.

To God be the glory for all things †

Lesson on Love and Letting Go

Hand woven crosses in our prayer corner

Fr. David, in his final podcast from Afghanistan, enunciated clearly something I’ve thought of writing about for some time:  lessons on love and letting go.   It’s been a painful life lesson, but a necessary one in my spiritual growth and so, I’m thankful for it.  Perhaps now that some time has passed and my perspective is better, it’s worth sharing.

I have learned, in a very intense way, over the past 5 years that I do not love others as I should.  Christ tells us to love others as ourself and to even love our enemies.  But what does that mean exactly?  How easy it is to love those who love us back... and how difficult is it to love those who do not love us in return.  I am speaking of relationships and friendships in particular.  I’m talking about how good it is to share our life with one we trust and confide in, the joy that comes with being understood and nurtured by others’ words and actions.  And the pain that comes when all that ends...abruptly and without explanation.    Maybe you’ve been there. 

Listening to Fr. David this morning and analyzing the events in my own life, I feel as though this lesson has come full circle for me.  I pray it’s one I don’t forget and choose rather to learn from it and grow because of the wisdom within.   In my experience, I learned that I was loving other people, but with strings attached.  I wanted something in return, I wanted to have my needs met, too.  My need for companionship and being heard.  And when they weren’t, I felt hurt and disappointed...and even angry.  And it made me question the motives of my heart: Did I really love and care about this person at all?  Or was it a purely selfish relationship?  Caring just enough so that my own needs were met?

I realized that our feelings can be deceptive and that sometimes God crosses our paths with others for a very specific purpose.  If we have our eyes fixed upon that, upon Him, then we are less deceived by the ever changing currents of our hearts.   When we truly love another person, as Christ intends, there are no strings attached.  It’s selfless and kind...generous and peaceable....expecting nothing in return.  How many of us truly love like that?  I want to love like that...but I know it’s attainable only by the grace of God.  I’m not equipped for it, as I am a very weak vessel.  Through Christ, though, all things are possible.  I have realized the peace that comes on the other side of pain, the clarity that comes with wisdom and of love born from the eternal source of love, Christ Jesus our God.

This lesson, too, has deepened my love for the Prayer of St. Francis, whereby I am encouraged to seek to console rather than being consoled, to understand rather than to be understood.  It’s complete selflessness.  It's loving fully, but lightly...being willing to share and give and comfort and then let go.  It’s having your cup filled with the grace of God so that you have something to give another, not wanting nor expecting anything in return.