Podvig; a lesson from the Russian Orthodox Church

Podvig. This beautiful Russian term cannot be translated into a single English word, but is best understood to us English speaking people as ascetic struggle; striving against our passions in order to grow closer to God.  Podvig is an essential element to life in Christ - one that I’ve been learning to embrace over the past six years.

As I look round and listen to friends who attend(ed) some of our megachurches in America, I’m perplexed by the comforts provided to congregants. With various worship services, some with contemporary music, others with traditional to afford members a choice... top of the line theater, sound and lighting equipment, big screens to project images to the back of the crowd, coffee bars and a mall like atmosphere outside of the sanctuary  ... tell me again, where is the sacred worship of Christ?  Oh, thanks, I see it now -- down the neon corridor and left at the nondenominational sign with the cross olive branches painted across it.

“We’ll do whatever it takes to bring the Gospel message to the multitudes” is the mantra of the megachurch pastor.  Comfy seats, full tummies, professional entertainment - all to usher you toward the foot of the Cross ..?   Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT saying the Word of God cannot be heard in such places, I just wonder how it is that members can get past their coziness to work out their salvation in fear and trembling.

Enter in, podvig ~  a complete 180 from the idea of comfortable worship and salvation.  Let me share a true story to illustrate my point:

Six years ago, I was walking in a deep valley.  I was questioning the true nature of worship, watching my church dwindle to 15 members on a good Sunday, and going through a season of depression in my personal life.  I felt isolated, willing to quit church all together, and yet, it was only through my occasional encounters with Orthodoxy that I felt a measure of relief - of emotional healing.  It was then that I discovered church as a hospital rather than a learning center. As a christian of 30 + years, it was in the Orthodox Church that I discovered - for the first time - what sacred worship is all about.

On the 40 minute commute to church, I was bringing my two young children, then 2 and 6 years old with me.  This was no easy task.  They frequently bulked at going to a new church which made it difficult to get them fed, dressed and out the door... let alone the time of tears and arguing in the car on the way there.  And I should add here - this is nothing new to many moms out there!  This very situation is a recurrent theme of conversation I have with other moms even to this day.

But here’s the thing...  forcing myself to go to church anyway, praying that God would make peaceful this chaos in my mornings, going through the gauntlet was a means of receiving God’s grace and producing spiritual fruit.  This is why Holy Scripture tells us to rejoice through our trials, for they produce virtue in us. (Romans 5)   

Getting to church was my podvig six years ago; praise God for his faithfulness because nowadays my family rejoices in going to church!  Our willingness to embrace difficulty, to take the high road to follow Christ has produced so many blessings, not the least of which has been an attitude adjustment towards ascetic struggle; God bless the Russians and the depth of their Orthodox spirituality.

As a side note, I found the beautiful painting here.  I think my love affair with Russia is growing...

Soles for Souls

Just this past week as we were heading out the door for school, the kids & I heard on the radio about a program called Soles 4 Souls.  An area elementary school began an effort to help this national program with it's effort in Haiti and we quickly decided to jump on board.  The same evening when the family was all together, I'm glad embarrassed to say we gathered up 19 pairs of shoes in less than 10 minutes...  good grief what a sin to have that many shoes.  May they find their way to feet who truly need them.

The Cultural War & Civil Disobedience

After posting yesterday, I was soon reminded of an important person I inadvertently left off my short list  - Charlton Heston - God rest his soul.  


Although Heston wasn't a man I would readily identify as humble, he most certainly was a man who publicly acknowledged God and spoke his mind on conservative values, political correctness and a was a great defender of the US Constitution.


I read Heston's speech at Harvard again last night and used a bit of it as a short lesson to my kids on the way to school today.  Heston's willingness to confront those shareholders at Time/Warner is something I would have loved to witness.


Charlton Heston's speech to Harvard Law School, February 1999  - Winning the Cultural War:


"I remember my son when he was five, explaining to his kindergarten class what his father did for a living. "My Daddy," he said, "pretends to be people." There have been quite a few of them. Prophets from the Old and New Testaments, a couple of Christian saints, generals of various nationalities and different centuries, several kings, three American presidents, a French cardinal and two geniuses, including Michelangelo. If you want the ceiling re-painted I'll do my best. There always seem to be a lot of different fellows up here. I'm never sure which one of them gets to talk. Right now, I guess I'm the guy.

As I pondered our visit tonight it struck me: if my Creator gave me the gift to connect you with the hearts and minds of those great men, then I want to use that same gift now to re-connect you with your own sense of liberty, your own freedom of thought, your own compass for what is right.

Dedicating the memorial at Gettysburg, Abraham Lincoln said of America, "We are now engaged in a great Civil War, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure."

Those words are true again. I believe that we are again engaged in a great civil war, a cultural war that's about to hijack your birthright to think and say what lives in your heart. I'm sure you no longer trust the pulsing lifeblood of liberty inside you, the stuff that made this country rise from wilderness into the miracle that it is.

Let me back up a little. About a year or two ago, I became president of the National Rifle Association, which protects the right to keep and bear arms of American citizens. I ran for office. I was elected, and now I serve. I serve as a moving target for the media who've called me everything from "ridiculous" and "duped" to a "brain-injured, senile, crazy old man." I know, I'm pretty old, but I sure Lord ain't senile.

As I've stood in the crosshairs of those who target Second Amendment freedoms, I've realized that firearms are -- are not the only issue. No, it's much, much bigger than that. I've come to understand that a cultural war is raging across our land, in which, with Orwellian fervor, certain accepted thoughts and speech are mandated.

For example, I marched for civil rights with Dr. King in 1963 -- and long before Hollywood found it acceptable, I may say. But when I told an audience last year that white pride is just as valid as black pride or red pride or anyone else's pride, they called me a racist.

I've worked with brilliantly talented homosexuals all my life -- throughout my whole career. But when I told an audience that gay rights should extend no further than your rights or my rights, I was called a homophobe.

I served in World War II against the Axis powers. But during a speech, when I drew an analogy between singling out the innocent Jews and singling out innocent gun owners, I was called an anti-Semite.

Everyone I know knows I would never raise a closed fist against my country. But when I asked an audience to oppose this cultural persecution I'm talking about, I was compared to Timothy McVeigh.

From Time magazine to friends and colleagues, they're essentially saying, "Chuck, how dare you speak your mind like that. You are using language not authorized for public consumption."

But I am not afraid. If Americans believed in political correctness, we'd still be King George's boys -- subjects bound to the British crown.

In his book, "The End of Sanity," Martin Gross writes that

    "blatantly irrational behavior is rapidly being established as the norm in almost every area of human endeavor. There seem to be new customs, new rules, new anti-intellectual theories regularly twisted on us -- foisted on us from every direction. Underneath, the nation is roiling. Americans know something without a name is undermining the country, turning the mind mushy when it comes to separating truth from falsehood and right from wrong. And they don't like it."

Let me read you a few examples. At Antioch College in Ohio, young men speaking and seeking intimacy with a coed must get verbal permission at each step of the process, from kissing to petting to final, at last, copulation -- all clearly spelled out in a printed college directive.

In New Jersey, despite the death of several patients nationwide who'd been infected by dentists who had concealed their own AIDS, the state commissioner announced that health providers who are HIV-positive need not -- need not! -- tell their patients that they are infected.

At William and Mary, students tried to change the name of the school team "The Tribe" because it was supposedly insulting to local Indians, only to learn that authentic Virginia chiefs really like the name, "The Tribe."

In San Francisco, city fathers passed an ordinance protecting the rights of transvestites to cross-dress on the job, and for transsexuals to have separate toilet facilities while undergoing sex change surgery.

In New York City, kids who didn't speak a word of Spanish had been placed in bilingual classes to learn their three R's in Spanish solely because their own names sound Hispanic.

At the University of Pennsylvania, in a state where thousands died at Gettysburg opposing slavery, the president of that college officially set up segregated dormitory space for black students.

Yeah, I know, that's out of bounds now. Dr. King said "Negroes." Jimmy Baldwin and most of us on the March said "black." But it's a no-no now.

For me, hyphenated identities are awkward, particularly "Native-American." I'm a Native American, for God's sake. I also happen to be a blood-initiated brother of the Miniconjou Sioux. On my wife's side, my grandson's a twelfth generation native-American, with a capital letter on "American."

Finally, just last month, David Howard, head of the Washington D.C. Office of Public Advocate, used the word "niggardly" while talking about budgetary matters with some colleagues. Of course, "niggardly" means stingy or scanty. But within days, Howard was forced to publicly apologize and then resign.

As columnist Tony Snow wrote: "David Howard got fired because some people in public employ were morons who (a) didn't know the meaning of 'niggardly,' (b) don't know how to use a dictionary to discover the meaning, and (c) actually demanded that he apologize for their ignorance."

Now, what does all of this mean? Among other things, it means that telling us what to think has evolved into telling us what to say, so telling us what to do can't be far behind. Before you claim to be a champion of free thought, tell me: Why did political correctness originate on America's campuses? And why do you continue to -- to tolerate it? Why do you, who're supposed to debate ideas, surrender to their suppression?

Let -- Let's be honest. Who here in this room thinks your professors can say what they really believe? (Uh-huh. There's a few....) Well, that scares me to death, and it should scare you too, that the superstition of political correctness rules the halls of reason.

You are the best and the brightest. You, here in this fertile cradle of American academia, here in the castle of learning on the Charles River. You are the cream. But I submit that you and your counterparts across the land are the most socially conformed and politically silenced generation since Concord Bridge. And as long as you validate that and abide it, you are, by your grandfathers' standards, cowards.

Here's another example. Right now at more than one major university, Second Amendment scholars and researchers are being told to shut up about their findings or they'll lose their jobs. But why? Because their research findings would undermine big-city mayors' pending lawsuits that seek to extort hundreds of millions of dollars from firearm manufacturers.

Now, I don't care what you think about guns. But if you are not shocked at that, I am shocked at you. Who will guard the raw material of unfettered ideas, if not you? Democracy is dialogue. Who will defend the core values of academia, if you, the supposed soldiers of free thought and expression lay down your arms and plead, "Don't shoot me."

If you talk about race, it does not make you a racist. If you see distinctions between the genders, it does not make you sexist. If you think critically about a denomination, it does -- does not make you anti-religion. If you accept but don't celebrate homosexuality, it does not make you a homophobe.

Don't let America's universities continue to serve as incubators for this rampant epidemic of new McCarthyism. That's what it is: New McCarthyism. But, what can you do? How can anyone prevail against such pervasive social subjugation?

Well, the answer's been here all along. I learned it 36 years ago, on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C., standing with Dr. Martin Luther King and two hundred thousand people.

You simply disobey. Peaceably, yes. Respectfully, of course. Nonviolently, absolutely. But when told how to think or what to say or how to behave, we don't. We disobey the social protocol that stifles and stigmatizes personal freedom.

I learned the awesome power of disobedience from Dr. King who learned it from Gandhi, and Thoreau, and Jesus, and every other great man who led those in the right against those with the might.

Disobedience is in our DNA. We feel innate kinship with that disobedient spirit that tossed tea into Boston Harbor, that sent Thoreau to jail, that refused to sit in the back of the bus, that protested a war in Viet Nam.

In that same spirit, I' m asking you to disavow cultural correctness with massive disobedience of rogue authority, social directives, and onerous laws that weaken personal freedom.

But be careful. It hurts. Disobedience demands that you put yourself at risk. Dr. King stood on lots of balconies. You must be willing to be humiliated, to endure the modern-day equivalent of the police dogs at Montgomery and the water Cannons at Selma. You must be willing to experience discomfort. Now, I'm not complaining, but my own decades of social activism have left their mark on me. Let me tell you a story.

A few years ago, I heard about a -- a rapper named Ice-T who was selling a CD called "Cop Killer," celebrating the ambushing and of murdering police officers. It was being marketed by none other than Time/Warner, the biggest entertainment conglomerate in the country -- in the world. Police across the country were outraged. And rightfully so. At least one of them had been murdered. But Time/Warner was stonewalling because the -- the CD was a cash cow for them, and the media were tiptoeing around because the rapper was black. I heard Time/Warner had a stockholders meeting scheduled in Beverly Hills, and I owned some shares of Time/Warner at the time, so I decided to attend the meeting.

What I did was against the advice of my family and my colleagues. I asked for the floor. To a hushed room of a thousand average American stockholders, I simply read the full lyrics of "Cop Killer" -- every vicious, vulgar, instructional word:

    I got my 12-Gauge sawed-off. I got my headlights turned off. I'm about to bust some shots off. I'm about to dust some cops off.

It got worse, a lot worse. Now, I won't read the rest of it to you. But trust me, the room was a sea of shocked, frozen, blanched faces. Time/Warner executives squirmed in their chairs and stared at their shoes. They hated me for that. Then I delivered another volley of sick lyrics brimming with racist filth, where Ice-T fantasizes about sodomizing the two 12-year-old nieces of Al and Tipper Gore:

    She pushed her butt against my --

No. No, I won't do to you here what I did to them. Let's just say I left the room in stunned silence. When I read the lyrics to the waiting press corps outside, one of them said, "We can't print that, you know." "I know," I said, "but Time/Warner is still selling it."

Two months later, Time/Warner terminated Ice-T's contract. I'll never be offered another film by Warner Brothers, or get a good review from Time magazine. But disobedience means you have to be willing to act, not just talk.

When a mugger sues his elderly victim for defending herself, jam the switchboard of the district attorney's office. When your university is pressured -- your university -- is pressured to lower standards until 80% of the students graduate with honors, choke the halls of the Board of Regents. When an 8-year-old boy pecks a girl's cheek on the playground and then gets hauled into court for sexual harassment, march on that school and block its doorways. When someone you elected is seduced by political power and betrays you -- petition them, oust them, banish them. When Time magazine's cover portrays millennium nuts as deranged, crazy Christians holding a cross as it did last month, boycott their magazine and the products it advertises.

So that this nation may long endure, I urge you to follow in the hallowed footsteps of the great disobediences of history that freed exiles, founded religions, defeated tyrants, and yes, in the hands of an aroused rabble in arms and a few great men, by God's grace, built this country.

If Dr. King were here, I think he would agree.

I thank you."

Is Bear Grylls Orthodox?

At least once a week I get a hit on my blog from someone asking Google, “Is Bear Grylls Orthodox?”  I supposed the search engine picks up my many references to Orthodoxy and the fact that I have Bear’s blog linked here.  The truth is, I don’t know the answer; I’ve wondered the same thing.   


If you’re a fan of his show, Man vs. Wild, you’ve undoubtedly seen him sign the cross before parachuting out of a helicopter - or some other great leap of faith.   I’ve searched the web, too, seeking to satisfy my curiosity and, other than discovering a humorous debate on a Catholic message board regarding his “backwards” signing, I’ve come up empty handed. 


Last week I wrote to “Team Bear” who fields questions from his fans, but have yet to receive a response.  I did find a little about at least one of his religious affiliations, Holy Trinity Brompton and the Alpha Course.  Apparently Bear, along with his lovely wife, Shara, have completed the Alpha Course; in this interview of Bear by Nicky Gumbel you can learn a little about the course as well as his views on life & faith. 


As contrary as it seems here, I really don’t spend a lot of energy peering into the lives of the famous   ...unless their lives shine forth an uncommon humility & willingness to proclaim Christ.  My list is short:

Troy Polamalu

Jim Caviezel

Kirk Cameron

Bear Grylls

Kudos to you who swim against the stream; may God continue to bless your journey.

Thought for the Day

“Then he questioned Him with many words, but He answered him nothing.”

St. Luke 23:9

This is taken from St. Luke’s account of Jesus before Herod after his arrest in the garden. It puzzled me for many years why Jesus would remain silent here, as it seemed such an opportune time for a golden speech in front of the chief priests and scribes and the men of war who witnessed this interrogation. But instead of my grand notions of wise words and a great debate, Jesus says nothing in His defense. The witnesses then mock and treat him with contempt. I think it’s safe to say that if I had been a witness to this event, I would have been disappointed in Jesus. But then, my standards of justice are of this world and there is a great lesson in Jesus’ silence.

I think I have a greater understanding now of why He was quiet. I don’t claim to understand fully, but I have learned in life that there is a time for words and a time to be quiet. To give him Truth who does not love Truth is to only give more reason for argument. Jesus knew Herod wasn’t on a mission to discover the Truth. Herod wanted to be entertained by Jesus, to see a miracle, as if watching a magician.

How many times have I engaged in fruitless conversation or debate just to walk away frustrated... I pray for discernment, that God will show me when to speak and when to be silent. Lord have mercy!

St. Brigid's Feast today!

Well, it's a lovely snowy morning here in Appalachia, a perfect day to be in the kitchen cookin' up a favorite meal for my family. We're honoring St. Brigid today, Mary of the Gael, whose generosity and hospitality I seek to emulate.

The boxty pancakes were such a hit last year, we'll be making this again along with a few extra items. Our menu includes:

Spring Herb Quiche

Beacan Bruith

Boxty Pancakes and

Curach Irish Oatmeal Yogurt Parfaits (which my 8 yr. old daughter gleefully volunteered to make)

Irish Black Tea

"On St. Brigid's Eve every farmer's wife in Ireland made a cake called bairin-breac, the neighbours are invited, the madder of ale and the pipe go round, and the evening concludes with mirth and festivity." - Colonel Vallencey, Essay on the Antiquity of the Irish Language, 1781

You may enjoy this video by a charming Irish lady, demonstrating how to make a St. Brigid's Cross.

God Bless the Little Ones

For all the shock and heartache brought about by the diagnosis of rhabdomyosarcoma and the subsequent regimen of chemotherapy and radiation, my 2 year niece has not lost her brilliant smile or her ability to touch someone’s heart.

She has a PIC line in order to receive the weekly doses of chemo which must be flushed with water on a daily basis for hygienic purposes. Upon a recent visit with Grandma, she stopped playing when her mommy indicated it was time to flush the line. This little blonde bundle of joy looked up, smiling, at her Grandma and said, “Well, it’s time to give Jesus a drink”

“What do you mean?” asked Grandma

In her matter-of-fact-way, she replied, “my PIC goes to my heart.. an’ Jesus lives in there..”

"Then some children were brought to Him so that He might lay His hands on them and pray; and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

St. Matthew 19:13,14

*painting was found here.

Anomalies: Looking toward Great Lent

Back in the day, as I was going through my college anatomy & physiology courses, one element in particular kept coming to the forefront in these and related classes: identifying “normal” structures. As a dental hygiene student, we had many classes associated with head & neck anatomy, the oral cavity and of course, tooth composition. In fact, we received so much instruction on “normal” tooth composition and function that even as I slept at night, my dreams were filled with visions of teeth!

It wasn’t obvious until our clinical work just how valuable this repetitive training was. By learning -thoroughly- what is “normal” ,when an anomaly does occur, it’s identified immediately.

Maybe fasting is not so unlike this training... maybe fasting provides a clear vision as to what is “normal” according to God, thereby equipping us to immediately recognize the stain of sin on our souls.

As we Orthodox Christians prepare for the Great Fast, the 40 days prior to Pascha (Easter), my thoughts have been inward, thinking about my own challenge during this time of spiritual renewal, increased prayers and almsgiving. It’s no secret that fasting is a challenging aspect of my spiritual life. Even though, at times, I have experienced the spiritual fruit of this practice, each occasion first challenges my attitude followed by my stubborn will. I frequently fail. It’s a climb worth making, but oh how I complain about that first step!

The Church proscribes a strict fast from certain foods (meat, dairy, fish, wine & oil) during Great Lent; personally, I add to these foods “indulgences” in my daily life. Since I am an info-junkie (reading online news, articles, blogs, reviews, music, etc. also facebooking), I’ve realized that my justification ie, being informed on various topics, is really just a selfish excuse. And so, my online time is being reduced this Lenten season, in favor of more time in prayer and reading Holy Scripture.

By eliminating some fluff in my daily life, I pray that my vision will change, that Christ will renew my spirit and prepare my heart for Pascha. That I will recognize sin & temptation as it creeps up in my thoughts and stop justifying my selfishness.

Lord have mercy and grant me self-control!

Across a Dark and Wild Sea: a book review

Published by Roaring Brook Press, Hardcover, 32 pages.

This children’s book, written and illustrated by Don Brown was added to our home library in 2009 and is proving to be a favorite choice at bedtime. This is my favorite kind of children’s book: educational for the adult- with a full page of author’s notes- as well as the child with watercolor illustrations on each page to aid the story. The artwork is aptly suited to this tale in the midst of the Dark Ages, lending a sense of the precarious life by the sea in 6th century Ireland.

The story is about one of Ireland’s revered saints, Columcille (Kolum kil), which means “Dove of the Churches”; he is also known by the Latin form of his name, Columba. It is Columcille that founded the famous monastery on Iona and kindled the love of Christ among the native Picts.

Across A Dark and Wild Sea taught me something new about Columcille; his love of books and diligent work as a scribe. My kids & I both enjoyed the detailed information regarding how manuscripts were made in the 6th century. It gave us pause to consider a world without easy access to books and information and the sense of achievement one must have had after spending months -or even years- copying a cherished manuscript. I appreciated the author differentiating bits of legend from history and think it’s a great addition to a home or church library; particularly well suited for children aged 7 to 12 years.

The Memory of Eden: thoughts on pornography & sacredness of marriage

...”we are born with a distant memory of Eden..” , this thought, from a recent book, has remained with me as it points to a reality hard to define.

What in us longs for beauty, for purity? What in us battles against defilement of sin? If we are created in the image of our Maker, does this memory provide a path toward virtue?

Years ago, as we sat around the lunch table at work, my colleague remarked that she had gifted her husband with a subscription to Penthouse. “Really?” was all I could muster in my incredulity. How is it that this was a fitting gift from a wife to husband? A steady flow of erotic images to fill her husband’s mind? Our break was soon over and I was left to ponder the reason of the wife, simply that her husband liked the magazine and she wanted to purchase it for him.

This was years ago and I’ve lost contact with most of the gals I used to work with..and still I wonder, does she know, does any woman know what is sacrificed when pornography enters the sacrament of marriage?

And currently, we can scarcely get through a month without reading headlines about another famous man down, fallen to the demons of lust. It isn’t just the wives who suffer under such conditions, the men suffer too, for they have freely rejected a treasure from God.

In our culture, although pornography is a multi-billion dollar business, with over 2 billion being made on the internet alone*, for the most part, it remains a taboo topic among Christians. It is truly the silent lion ...devouring millions who would show to the world a delightful face while the soul is decaying to the core. According to “Healing for the Soul” website:

“secular and religious sources reveal that porn is now as American as Apple Pie, and has found a place in every corner of our society, including the church.”

Indeed, Christian believers are not immune from the destruction ...57% of pastors say that addiction to pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregations.**

C.S. Lewis wrote about a fictional society where, if multitudes gathered to watch a “strip-tease” of food.. or the slow uncovering of a juicy mutton chop, what might we conclude about that society? One critic noted that he would conclude the society was starving to death. He implied that such things as the strip-tease resulted not from sexual corruption, but from sexual starvation- a complete absence of sexual purity. (Mere Christianity pp 96-97) As I read the statistics on pornography in the U.S., I cannot help but agree. We are a sexually starved people through either willful neglect, apathy or ignorance toward that beauty of Eden. For who could know of that pure memory and not cherish it, safeguard it entirely?

I’ve heard women say, [about pornography] “it’s a help...an aid to sex in my marriage” But this is a lie from satan, the great deceiver. What pornography actually does is create a gulf between husband & wife spiritually, if not physically as well. It brings to the marriage bed falseness, shame, guilt, lies and sorrow. It invites the corruption of hell and our culture opens the door willingly.

God created the sacrament of marriage to bring a man and woman together in unison, in one flesh, to draw us closer to Him. Let me say that again...the union of man & woman in holy matrimony pleases and is instituted by God (Matthew 19:6). Indeed, there is nothing sinful, vile or shameful about sex within marriage - just the opposite is true. Proverbs 5 tells us of the pitfalls of looking for intimacy outside the bonds of marriage and conversely, the joy and exhilaration - in beautiful imagery of flowing waters- to be found with your spouse.

The purity with which God has gifted us in this way is complete and in no need of adornment. Do we need to look further for proof of this than His Word, in particular, the Song of Songs? Where else in Holy Scripture do we have such richness given to us of the love and intimacy between a husband & wife?

“For your love is better than wine, and the smell of your ointments is better than all spices....”

“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me. Come, my beloved, let us go out into the country, let us spend the night in the villages, let us rise early and go to the vineyards;

Let us see whether the vine has budded and its blossoms have opened, and whether the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love. The mandrakes have given forth fragrance; and over our doors are all choice fruits, both new and old, which I have saved up for you, my beloved.” verses from Song of Songs ( Song of Solomon, NASB)

Such a rich gift from our Heavenly Father, to man & wife... who could know of this gift and receive it not?

*top image, celtic art was found here.

Simple Pleasures

Well, today is the 2nd day for our kids to be out of school because of the snow and frigid temps ~ that equals 12 days of vacation including the Christmas/New Year break! A great deal of time was spent this morning watching the juncos, black-capped chickadees, sparrows, blue jays, cardinals, wrens, finches, nuthatches, tufted titmice ...and one squirrel feasting on seeds.

The wren & chickadee seem to be the only ones to go for our stringed popcorn...

Time well spent =-)

Praying in the new year with St. Panteleimon

Happy New Year to all my pals in the blogosphere =-)

December proved to be a month of emotional highs and lows, with a healthy dose of deadlines thrown in for good measure. My time was divided between work and family and one family member in particular has occupied our hearts and minds over these past 5 weeks.

My 2 year old niece was diagnosed with a malignant tumor at the beginning of the month and subsequently, undergone many tests and two chemotherapy treatments. It’s a hard time for the family and yet, as my sister will attest, it’s also been a season of unexpected gifts of compassion.

Never before has my sister and her family been in a position to receive such generosity and love from others... it is nothing short of amazing to be at the local grocery or post office when someone approaches to say, “How is your niece?” ...or “Isn’t it your sister’s little one who is on our church prayer list? How is she doing?”

Between the internet and instant messages to church prayer lists/chains, news of my sweet niece traveled faster than beauty shop gossip. I know she has prayer warriors out there lifting her name to our merciful God from Florida to Chicago to California and probably beyond.

One of those prayer warriors is Holy Great-Martyr St. Panteleimon, a physician and healer during his time on earth in the early 4th century. A group of friends & I made our way to Holy Cross Monastery recently and went to a moleben (mo LEH ben) to St. Panteleimon, asking for his intercessory prayers for my niece among others who are ill and suffering.

A moleben, a Russian term, is a service of thanksgiving and supplication in honor of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Theotokos or a particular saint or martyr. In Orthodoxy, we believe that those who die believing and following Christ are not dead, but alive in Christ, worshipping Him in heaven and interceding for us on earth. Just as we would ask a friend to pray for us when we’re ill, so, too, we ask the saints in heaven to please pray for us!

The service was so beautiful... I wish I had photos to share, but it was not the time or place to be making pictures. It was a time for reverence and quiet and prayer. We lit the long beeswax taper candles and placed them in front of St. Panteleimon’s icon and then stood for the remaining minutes of the service.

Fr. Seraphim led the moleben while a monk and novice added harmonious refrains of “Lord have mercy” as well as St. Panteleimon’s Kontakion and readings from the Holy Gospel. While the names of our loved ones were called out through the service, I noticed the beauty of the candlelight upon the brass casings and how the sunlight, even on a cold wintry day, came into the church like a warm embrace of our Heavenly Father. There is no place on earth I would rather have been at that hour. We concluded the service by venerating a relic of St. Panteleimon and being anointed with holy oil by Fr. Seraphim.

It is that peace, that hope and love in Christ Jesus that I wish for you during our new year.

Attitude of Gratitude

Cor gaudens exhilarat faciem

“A joyful heart lights up the face”

Although I cannot remember from where it came, a quote was read by a religious writer that went something like this, ‘if only we may have a prayer of thanksgiving to our Creator, that will be enough..’

And so, as I struggle through a very fast paced daily living, it’s time to consider some things I am most thankful for :

* being raised in a loving Christian home

* our children

* good health

* time and trust given by friends

* freedom to worship God

* reading / gift of sight and ability to learn

* food on our table

* tenderness of my husband

* wisdom and example given by the Saints

* trials that bring me closer to God

* J.R.R. Tolkien

* loyalty of my dogs

* the wild cat and doe that sleep down by the St. Francis garden

* warmth and aroma of a crackling fire

* our children’s school

* peace as only God gives... and

* the hope that always remains in Christ Jesus.

Thanks for reading... may God grant you peace and abundant gratitude in your heart this day.

* Image of Mother Teresa was found here.

Where is your faith?

During this season of allergies, colds and flu viruses floating around, there has been discussion in our parish - among other churches- about precautions with regard to Holy Communion. In the Orthodox Church, the parishioners form a line in order to meet the priest at the foot of the alter. There, the consecrated bread and wine, the Body & Blood of Christ is together present in the chalice. The contents are then distributed to Orthodox Christians by means of a spoon.

If this is not the practice in your church, you may regard this communal cup warily. Surely germs and diseases of all sort are shared this way? Our parish advocates common sense guidelines; hopefully if you are feverish or have flu-like symptoms, you are home resting and taking the necessary treatments. The Sacraments may be given to such individuals at home or in the hospital.

Interestingly, over the centuries of the Orthodox Church using this method of Holy Communion, “there has been no recorded instances of it compounding the effects of any plagues or pestilence.” (Fr. Olaf Scott, in the Sunday October 25th Bulletin)

A few evenings ago, as our pre-teen son was getting ready for bed, this topic came up. I asked what he thought about the possibility of contracting illness through Holy Communion. His confident reply warmed my heart, although I was somewhat surprised at his maturity. He told me, “Well, the way I see it...how can we get sick from the Body of Christ? Germs and that stuff can’t even be in there because it’s His Body and Blood. Like Fr. Scott says, “Where’s your faith” ? “

Indeed. If we have faith in believing Jesus’ words regarding Holy Communion (such as John 6:53-57), we should approach His table with humility AND confidence, believing we receive His Body & Blood for the remission of sin and for healing of body and soul.

Public Education in the USA: A Call to Dunkirk

“From kingergarten to 12th grade, children spend about 14,000 seat hours in school. Whoever controls those 14,000 hours, controls our children’s worldview” - Voddie Bauchman, Jr., D.Min

Public education is frequently discussed in our family and especially so over the past month as our county faced another bond vote in order to consolidate 4 of our county’s 6 public high schools. We’ve faced these issues time and again in Fayette County and it’s always a topic of heated debate at the Board of Education public meetings. As it turned out, the $49 million bond failed by a margin of more than 3 to 1. To me, passing the bond would have meant placing a golden window in a dilapidated building.

We have friends who either teach, work in administration or attend public schools and after listening to them and gaining a deeper understanding of the inner workings of our government-run system, I have come to the conclusion that our public schools are beyond being reformed. My hat is off to the dedicated teachers and principals who strive against a system that increasingly engulfs them in a sea of red tape, taking away their instructional hours in the classroom as well as limiting their disciplinary actions and harnessing them with responsibilities that belong to the parents.

With curriculum that cannot compete globally *, increasing “political correctness”, the indoctrination of secular humanism and more students who know all about sex and nothing about the US Constitution - or much history in general - it’s no wonder we now have over 1 million students in the USA being homeschooled * and roughly 4 million attending private christian schools. What else is a christian family to do amidst the destruction of our moral and academic fabric in America?

As I was reading some articles on homeschooling, I came across Exodus Mandate, and their bold proclamation for christian families to remove their children from government schools immediately:

“The philosophy of the classroom in one generation will be the philosophy of the government in the next.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

*source: The World Bank; World Development Indicators, 2009 national sources

The Fun Theory

This was just too delightful not to pass on. The idea behind this Volkswagon initiative is that human behaviour may be changed by simply adding an element of fun.. .=-)

Check out more entries - or submit your own! - to this international contest at The Fun Theory.com

Thoughts on Prayer

As I recently spoke to a church group on the topic of prayer, I thought I’d share some highlights here:

* Prayer is “raising up the heart and mind to God” - St. John of Damascus

* Prayer is an encounter and a relationship - by nature, a relationship implies mutual freedom. Archbishop Anthony Bloom’s book, Beginning to Pray, was most valuable in sharing why it is that we sense God’s absence at times. Even though God never abandons us, we do feel at times as though He is far away.

“If we could mechanically draw Him into an encounter, force Him to meet us, simply because we have chosen this moment to meet Him, there would be no relationship and no encounter. ...We complain that He does not make Himself present to us for the few minutes we reserve for Him, but what about the twenty-three and a half hours during which God may be knocking at our door and we answer , ‘I am too busy, I am sorry’ or when we do not answer at all because we do not even hear the knock at the door of our heart, of our minds, of our conscience, of our life.” -Anthony Bloom

* We discussed approaching prayer and the example given to us of the publican and the pharisee from St. Luke 18:9

* I encouraged the group to develop a Prayer Rule, or habit, by which they might be encouraged to pray even when they don’t FEEL like it, as oftentimes, the action begets the feeling.

* And, probably what I consider the most essential element in prayer is HUMILITY. The most profitable advice I ever received regarding prayer is humility. Of my many sins, I struggle with anger the most and have found it very difficult to pray during these times... wise counsel instructed me to immediately turn from my wrath, go to my prayer corner, make the sign of the cross and worship Almighty God with prostrations. This I did, while saying the Jesus Prayer and to my joy, God blessed me with that peace that passes all understanding. If nothing else I can share, it is that St. Anthony’s words ring true throughout the ages:

“I saw the snares that the enemy spreads out over the world and I said groaning, “What can get through from such snares?” Then I heard a voice saying to me, “humility” “.

P.S. ...I just love it when my internet searches lead me toward profitable discoveries. The beautiful watercolor is by Mirja Clement and titled, "Praying for the Bird". What a lovely surprise to see that she also writes byzantine icons.

New Ancient Faith Radio Podcast

I was pleased to read at Fr. Andrew's blog this morning that his current lecture series is being recorded for podcasting on Ancient Faith Radio! The title is Orthodoxy and Heterodoxy and the first lecture is "Understanding the Terms"

In his matter-of-fact way, he addresses the current cultural attitude toward God that states, 'whatever God means to you' when we should be asking 'who is God?' and why theology matters in your spiritual life.

Cheers to Ancient Faith Radio for including Fr. Andrew's lectures in their podcast program.

Nazanin Afshin-Jam: A Woman of Inner Beauty & Strength

While reading on the VOM website recently, serendipity led me to a video about the former Miss World Canada (2003), Miss Nazanin Afshin-Jam. As an Iranian born Canadian, Nazanin is passionate about working for human rights in her home country. The video posted below tells a little of her story and how she was able to aid a young Iranian couple who had been imprisoned and tortured because of their conversion from Islam to Christianity:

When sycophantic Columbia University extended an invitation to the dictator, Ahmadinejad, it was Nazanin’s voice among others who countered his words; and in September last year, she organized “Ahmadinejad’s Wall of Shame” rally in New York as Ahmadinejad was addressing the UN General Assembly. Listen to her strong words here:

Hats off to you, Miss Nazanin Afshin-Jam. You are a woman of strength, integrity and conviction... may God continue to bless your life and the challenging work you are doing.

Driving a few hundred miles to be still...

Speaking of Cass in my earlier post, here are a few additional images made from this area of West Virginia.

Clayton Spangler, one of my best friends and photography mentor, taught the workshop. One of the unique aspects to Clayton’s seminars is the fact that they aren’t hurried and for this, I am grateful. It may seem a bit dull to tell you how much I savored the breeze and the sounds of the creek rushing by, but keep in mind that my day-to-day life could easily follow the tempo of William Tell Overture.

When Clayton encouraged the group to take time by Leatherbark Creek to look at the rocks and swirling water, some were stationary, quiet observers while others moved from rock to rock looking for a bit of foam...a frog, a dragonfly perhaps. It’s no secret that I was in the latter group. It’s so hard to be still. I’m always thinking I should be doing something else, that there is something more interesting around the bend. But one of the great things I learned about landscape photography over this weekend, is that all you need is patience ...the willingness to be still. Nature is always changing and providing exquisite displays of light and motion... we just have to be agreeable to waiting for the next show.

Thin Places

There is an outdoor place I go to pray where the atmosphere is different; it’s marked by a peace that is palpable. I don’t have the opportunity to visit daily, but I try to go there at least once a month because it provides such a nearness of God’s presence. It’s a thin place, in the sense of the Celtic peoples who describe such places in ancient Ireland and Scotland. A place where the veil between the heavenly and earthly realms is very thin and transparent. In looking for others with similar experiences, I found a thought-provoking article by Mindie Burgoyne you might also enjoy.

A few of my friends know what I’m speaking of when I mention thin places, each has their own description for such areas...”the energy is different”, or “the atmosphere is charged” and I have found it fascinating to hear about their own locales and experiences. Some of the monks at Holy Cross Monastery have told me about visiting the graves of saints, sometimes in ancient catacombs, where it was difficult to speak because there was such an overpowering presence of God. In each case, we all have a difficult time describing such places because they seem to be perceived outside of our five senses. It's almost easier to gain a sense of understanding by beholding the face of the witness rather than absorbing their words.

I asked the abbot of the monastery what he thought about “thin places” and he was quick to remind me that while there are holy places on the earth where we come into contact with God and His saints there are also “thin places” where we come into contact with spirits that are not from God, but from the evil one. He cautioned that I should be wise about discerning these places.

I thought of the abbot recently, as I visited Cass, WV for a photography workshop. While the workshop exceeded my expectations in affording dramatic images of the rare Shay engines and surrounding rugged West Virginia landscape, I learned that the community of Cass (population 16) transforms into something altogether different when the tourists have gone home for the night and the train depot is silent. The atmosphere was so dense and disturbing that my friend & I cancelled our reservation to stay in the immediate area and lodged 11 miles away instead. Pictured below is the old Cass Company Store. More on Cass later...

Literary Critters?

"What's that racoon, mommy?"

My 8 year old daughter was working at her little desk beside me, when she uttered this question very quietly. I got up from my desk and walked over to look at her artistic creations displayed across her work space.

“What’s that, honey? What did you say?”

“That racoon...I am trying to remember it because I want to put it on this paper.”

Completely confused, I just stood there looking at her colorful papers, the cut-outs, the glitter, the stickers, looking for some clue as to what she meant. The only thing I could think of was a conversation we had recently:

“The racoon? Do you mean the little racoon that Aunt Jenny raised years ago? Are you doing a story about it? Her name was “Cootie”.

Frustrated at my lack of understanding, her irritated voice said, “No ...not that. The racoon! You know, those words.... I’m trying to remember if it’s seven five seven or five seven five. “

My mind was searching, trying to focus on those key words... five, seven , five..hmm

“Oh! You mean a haiku! “

Her face beamed. “Yes! That’s it! Is it five, seven, five?”

“Yes, it’s five syllables, then seven, then five.”

I smiled, happy with myself for solving the puzzle and relieving her frustration...and even happier to read her creativity:

Joy to you and me!

Springtime is the best of all!

Snowflakes fall down fast!

She inspired me to write one of my own:

Sweet evening sunshine

It must be a blessed cure

For sorrows untold

Racoon portrait is by Ryan Berkley

Anti-American = Anti-Humanity

Hats off to you, Mr. Hannan. It's nice to know at least one European who appreciates the USA. I concur with the airport lady; I'd vote for you too!

To be anti-American is to be anti-humanity

She Tended the Roses

I don’t watch much t.v., but one show that does draw me in is Extreme Makeover; Home Edition on ABC.  In case you aren’t familiar, this likeable crew of home renovators & designers selects a deserving family every week to grant a dream come true, a brand new home.  

A family may be deserving in a number of ways but most often they are recognized by their community as selfless people who give much to their family and neighbors and ask little - if anything- in return.  They may have suffered devastating losses from natural disasters or accidents.  In some cases it might be a single mom who is caring for a special needs child and is barely making ends meet.  It’s about individuals who make a positive difference in this world by giving and helping others and then, for a variety of reasons find themselves in need of a functional living space.

Enter Ty Pennington and crew from Extreme Makeover; Home Edition.  In one week, with help from hundreds of local volunteers, the current home is demolished and a new one, complete with all the furniture and trimmings, inside and out, is built in it’s place.  In one week.   The week not only honors the deserving family, but it brings a whole community together in goodwill, not so unlike the spirit inherent in a good ole barn raising found in Amish communities.

All episodes are moving, but one scene is etched in my mind, as lovely and rich as the stained glass windows at St. George Orthodox Cathedral.  

The crew was working on a home in Kansas, owned by the Tutwiler family, which had been destroyed in a tornado. Prior to this, Army Spc. Patrick Tutwiler had been injured in Iraq (read the full story here) and his wife was battling cancer.  

As the crew toured around Chapman, KS, to see the extent of the damage from the tornado, compassion moved the network to donate more to this community than just one new home.  During one segment, I watched an elderly woman kneeling over the dirt in front of her once charming home.   Her voice was weak and her eyes, kind.  This gentle soul had been making the trip from her apartment to the devastation of her former home in order to tend the roses there.   They had survived the storm and she would not abandon them.

What selflessness...what a rare and precious beauty seeing those frail hands nurturing life.   I hope this mental image will serve to remind me to look for beauty in all places and persons, especially devastated souls.  

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God., -from St. Matthew 5

In the end, “Extreme Makeover” completed many projects for the community of Chapman, such as bringing joy to this elderly woman by transplanting her rose garden to her new apartment.   

John Adams, the miniseries

We’ve recently finished watching the entire 501 minutes of John Adams, the miniseries originally featured through HBO, now available on a three part dvd set.  Although it took us a few months to squeeze in those minutes, it was worth it.  

The series, which spans America’s first 50 years, was directed by Tom Hooper with the screenplay  based on the book, John Adams, by David McCullough.   Paul Giamatti and Laura Linney were outstanding in their portrayal of John Adams and Abigail Adams and the love story between the two was an unexpected delight. 

I don’t know my history well enough to say if the series was 100% accurate with regard to historical events, but then I love a movie that spurs my interest in historical figures I previously thought dull.  I’ve done some light reading on the John Adams family since watching the epic and marveled at the story of his daughter, affectionately known as Nabby.  

Aside from being reminded of the wonders of our advancements in the medical field, particularly anesthesia, my appreciation increased for our founding fathers as a whole.  Their intellect and vision for this nation is something that seems altogether lost in our modern age.  I couldn’t help but wonder what Thomas Jefferson and John Adams would think about our current state of affairs.  

My only criticism of the miniseries is that on the 2nd dvd, which includes the time period when Adams was away in Europe as Minister Plenipotentiary,  the story is continually far removed from the action of the Revolution.  It probably seems absurd to say that a series over 500 minutes long could be fleshed out, but I would’ve enjoyed fewer scenes of Adams and Franklin in Europe and more of General Washington on the battlefront.  David Morse was excellent as George Washington and I enjoyed the nuances that his part brought to the credibility of the story.  

The ending was marvelous, a perfect way to conclude the story of his life and legacy.  It’s a blessing that so many of Adams’ words were recorded for posterity, especially those written to Abigail, his beloved friend, counselor and wife of over 50 years.  

Lord's Prayer in Old English

I found this striking video as posted by a friend in a Christian discussion forum.  It is supposedly in the standardized West Saxon literary dialect of Old English also known as Anglo-Saxon.   The accompanying landscape videography is most appropriate, being filmed at Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh, Scotland.

Watching this brings to mind the questions of the relationship between prayer and landscape. If, during our corporate prayers, we worship within the Body of Christ, surely in private times of communing with God in a garden, a solitary trail in the woods or by the sea, we are enfolded by the hands of creation.   

Resting in the Shadow of the Cross

These past few weeks have been busy ones and I have found little time to indulge my thoughts here. Interesting though, how my desire to write is intensified by the time spent apart from it. For me, writing is therapeutic and often helps to sort out issues and focus on the essentials in the Christian life.  Nothing could be truer of this week in particular.

Our son is away for his first experience of church camp and I have had restless moments, wondering if he is having a good time, resting well, making new friends, etc...the list goes on.  My son has often said that I'm overprotective and I can see that he's right... it has been hard to let go this week and completely trust his well being to others.  It's a test of my faith.  How much do I really trust God?

Last night I was struggling, unable to sleep and plagued with anxious thoughts.  I went to my prayer corner, before our icons of Jesus Christ and the Theotokos, lit the candle and wept.  I recalled the words of Fr. Seraphim, from Holy Cross Monastery, who reminds me that it is humility that defeats the snares of satan.  Our enemy knows our weaknesses and will attack us at every turn through those vulnerabilities.  

And so, my prayer was the Jesus Prayer,   "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner"  with prostrations, for satan & his minions cannot bear the true worship of God.  As I signed the cross and sat on the floor watching the flickering flame, peace came.   

"You know, you hold Truth in your hand when you sign the cross" Fr. Seraphim has told me.  By placing your three fingers together you proclaim the Holy Trinity and the last two fingers resting against your palm signify that Christ is both fully God and fully man.  Sometimes this signing of the cross is my prayer ...when I cannot think of words to say, I can rest in the shadow of the glory of the cross.  

As Fr. Peter Gillquist writes in his book, Becoming Orthodox, "...the cross is more than a symbol for earthly decor;  it is a weapon of peace that sets us free from being slaves to sin, death and the devil."   

A mighty weapon indeed. 

Snapshot ~ Thursday Morning

I am reading:  Father Seraphim Rose, His Life & Works by Hieromonk Damascene

I am listening to:  The Northern Athos Choir of Valaam Monastery

I am seeing:  rain and gray skies and my faithful companions at my feet (Shiloh & Mr. O'Malley)

I am thankful for:  the State Trooper that gave me a warning rather than a speeding ticket ;-)

I am smelling:  L'Occitane Honey incense

I am praying for: Our dog and God's grace to be plentiful in my heart

I have discovered:  that my children always want to wear what's in the dirty clothes basket

I am thinking:  about my road trip this weekend!

One of my favorite things:  hearing my daughter read and make up songs and watching my son tend his tomato plants

Miraculous Healing in Our Parish

It was only in April of this year that a dear lady from our parish was diagnosed with brain cancer and given only a few months to live.  Such devastating news for not only the immediate family, but the entire church body who esteem her highly.  

I first learned about Mrs. H on our trip to Holy Cross Monastery, near the end of April when a moleben (muh LEH ben) was served to ask for the intercessory prayers of St. Panteleimon (the patron saint of Holy Cross)   for Mrs. H as well as other ill family members of our group.  

St. Panteleimon lived in the 4th century A.D. and was martyred under Emperor Maximian.  His name means all-merciful and is frequently invoked by those seeking his prayers to God for their health and healing.  St. Panteleimon had been trained and educated as a physician and spent his life with the suffering, the weak and those in prisons, praying for them and healing them in the name of Jesus Christ.  His gifts of healing became so well known in the Roman Empire that other physicians became jealous thus creating the catalyst for his martyrdom.

An akathist to Great Martyr-Healer Panteleimon begins:

“Chosen passion-bearer of Christ and gracious healer, who freely grantest healing to the sick, we praise thee in songs as our protector.  As thou hast boldness with the Lord, free us from all harm and sickness who cry with love to thee:

Rejoice, Great Martyr and Healer Panteleimon!

Most Holy Saint and Martyr Panteleimon-the-Healer, intercede to the Most Merciful God for the healing of (names for the healing of his/her) in soul and body.

We know thee, glorious Panteleimon, as an earthly angel and a heavenly man.  For adorned with angelic purity and martyrdom thou hast passed from earth to Heaven, where with angels and all the saints standing before the throne of the Lord of Glory, thou prayest for all of us on earth who venerate thee with these invocations...”

Just as of yesterday, the 28th of May I learned of a miracle, through the intercessory prayers of St. Panteleimon to Christ our God, in the life of Mrs. H.  Upon visiting the Cleveland Clinic, her doctors were happy to report that there is no trace of cancer.  It is believed that she did suffer a mild stroke; a full recovery is expected.

Glory to God for all things.  Glory to Thee!

*Photo is a shrine to St. Panteleimon at Holy Cross Monastery in Wayne, WV

PS.  Just in the short amount of time since I've posted this, Fr. Andrew, our assistant priest at St. George Cathedral,  has informed me of yet another miraculous cure of cancer in our parish!   Praise God!!  This is a quote from Fr. Andrew regarding this latest information:

"The smart medical people I've talked to tell me that the only way these could have been medical flukes or mistaken diagnoses would be for multiple doctors, labs, and high-tech medical machines to have been wrong multiple times in a row over the course of weeks and months."

Wise Words for this Memorial Day

Interview with Jean

I became acquainted with Jean through a mutual friend a few years ago.  Since that time, I've been blessed to know her better through church and am inspired by her faithfulness and humility.  May her story touch your life and renew the hope we have in Christ our Lord and Saviour, our Great Physician and Healer.  

In what faith or denomination were you raised?

 As a child I attended the Presbyterian Church with my parents and brother. While we were regularly attending and participating in the local church, I cannot say that we were living lives of faith in God. There was a disconnect between our local and domestic church experience. Apart from an occasional home meal prayer, I have no memory of any family or personal prayer time. Apart from being given a Bible when I was confirmed as a child, I don’t recall anyone in my family, including me reading one. Couple that with affluence and a seriously dysfunctional family situation, it was a recipe for personal disaster. I was grounded in little more than fear and pain. My teen and early college years were tumultuous.

      At a low point in my later college years, I developed a strong urge for something new to fill my voids and mend my heart. I was certain that I’d find it in the church. In the city where I was attending college, I began attending the Presbyterian Church to search for what I soon realized was God. During that time I met my future husband. He seemed to be a devout Roman Catholic Christian whose religious actions motivated me more in my search. I resisted his initial invitations to attend Mass, but as my affection for him grew, my resistance to attend lessened. I began attending Mass with him on a regular basis. When we decided to marry, it made sense to me to join the Catholic Church so as to be unified in our faith – especially when we considered raising children.

      When I joined the Roman Catholic Church, in 1988, I was certain that I’d discovered the one and true faith. I gravitated toward the legalistic indoctrination and religious practices. I soon found myself in groups of similarly minded people. I was determined to live my life as a devout Catholic. Unfortunately, I had developed a view of God from the same psychological perspective that I had with an abusive adult in my life. I was in a position for spiritual demise.

      Twelve years of a harmful marriage relationship, lack of a proper family support system, poor spiritual guidance from the church, an unhealthy view of God, ignorance of prayer and scripture and the stresses of being determined to love and raise my children in a Godly manner in my brokenness, were all taking its toll on me. I had managed a lifetime of masking my pain as I was dying on the inside. Exhausted with my life, I literally cried out to God in desperation. I knew that He existed and hoped that He would help me. My simple prayer became the point in time when a merciful, loving and compassionate God reached down from Heaven to pull me out of the pit that I was in.

      Instead of changing my difficult circumstances and the harmful people around me, God used the stress of my situations to keep me close to Him. The process of changing me from within had finally begun. For the past eight years I have made a daily conscious effort to yield myself to His will and grow in His grace. As a result of my commitment to Christ, many glorious and tragic things have occurred.

 The Lord has taken me on an unusual faith journey. There have been people from various Christian backgrounds that the Lord has used to teach and develop me as a Christian. I have learned to respect all of my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I struggled to remain in the Catholic Church until September 2007, when it became unbearable for me to stay.

 How, or by whom, were you introduced to the Orthodox Church?

 My invitation to the Orthodox Church came numerous times during the year of 2007 from a dear friend and sister in the Lord. She and I met in 2001, when we both attended the Roman Catholic Church. She has been instrumental in my personal and spiritual development. She had recently been chrismated in the Orthodox Church and was urging me to attend Divine Liturgy with her, knowing well my frustrations with the Catholic Church. In September of 2007, I finally agreed to attend a Divine Liturgy service.

 What were your first impressions? What kept you coming to church?

What totally surprised me was the glorious realm of worship that I was able to enter into upon attending my first Divine Liturgy! After a few more Divine Liturgies, I was hooked. I was spiritually mature enough to know that if I was being fed the properly divided Word of God, could receive Holy Communion and was in an environment conducive to prayer and worshipping God, then that’s where I needed to be.

 What events led to your Chrismation? i.e., books you read, spiritual mentors, prayer, etc.

 Not long after I began attending the Orthodox Church, I made an appointment to speak with the pastor. I wanted to introduce myself to him, tell him a bit of my spiritual journey and let him know that I was prayerfully considering the Orthodox faith. Father told me that he would soon begin his classes to introduce people to the Orthodox faith, so I attended them.  Nearing the conclusion of those classes Father asked me if I would like to be Chrismated on December 21, 2007. My response was one of great joy –absolutely! I was longing to receive Holy Communion and knew I’d found my proper Christian home.       

      Given that reading the Bible is the most important reading that we as Christians can do, the best Orthodox book that I’ve ever purchased is the 2008 Orthodox Study Bible. It is a wonderful blend of scripture with some interpretation, as well as some Orthodox writings, teachings and icons throughout.

 Did you encounter any theological obstacles when you were a catechumen? If so, would you share how you overcame this hurdle?

 My introductions to the history and teachings of Orthodox Christianity (as well as the various Orthodox faith educational opportunities that have followed) have not created any obstacles for me. They have instead, removed some barriers created primarily by some misguided Roman Catholic teachings. As the Holy Spirit enlightens me, I gain greater liberty in Christ Jesus as a result.

 What new insights have you gained about yourself and your beliefs since coming home to the Ancient Faith?

 It seems as though during my brief Orthodox faith journey I have experienced greater spiritual clarity. I have been blessed by God with some Holy, mystical experiences during my past eight years in particular, that have not only heightened my awareness of the reality of a sovereign God as Father, Son and Holy Spirit along with His Holy Saints and Angels, but have also served to strengthen my resolve to love Him with all of my heart, mind and soul and to love my neighbor as myself.

      Apart from God’s mercy and grace, and some faithful friends, I would not be able to bear my personal tragedies that have landed me squarely in demonic battles. That may sound odd to some, but read Ephesians 6:12 - “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” This is a reality of our earthly lives – some of us more than others. Christ assures us that we will suffer persecutions as a result of following Him, but He also assures us that He will never leave nor forsake us in the process. I can attest to His faithfulness in every challenge that I have faced.

 I read your letter with great interest in the last church newsletter. Would you share your testimony of healing with us?

 In the midst of my most difficult circumstances is precisely where the Lord has chosen to do many works of healing, deliverance and salvation in my life. One such healing that I had believed God for manifested during the course of Lent with its completion at some point during Holy Week of 2008. (Lent and Holy Week are basically seven weeks of heightened spiritual preparation for Pascha/Easter.)

      As Lent began, I asked an Orthodox Church friend to pray that God would heal me of a specific illness. She was going to the church for the daily Holy Hour. She reported having prayed for me and also sought the intersession of Saint Raphael of Brooklyn as well. Following that, I felt strongly led of the Holy Spirit to attend each remaining Lenten Holy Hour (in addition to the other church services that I was attending) to pray before the Lord in church and that  in doing so I would be healed.

      Like the woman with the issue of blood (Mark 5: 25-34) I had enough faith to believe that if I could just “touch the hem of His garment” I would be made well. My small act of obedience led to being totally healed of a lifelong, genetic illness that had required a daily medication. I keep the last prescription bottle as a reminder of God’s goodness and faithfulness.

 What is a common misconception about the Orthodox Church that you would like to address?

 Something I found of interest during my initial classes of the Orthodox faith, was to learn that in the history of the Orthodox Christian Church, it wasn’t until the eleventh century when the Bishop of Rome (Western Church) separated himself from the other Bishops of the world (Eastern Church) to form what we now refer to as the Roman Catholic Church. The Church of the East is the Orthodox Church. Then, in the sixteenth century the fragmentation of the Roman Catholic/Western Church began with the Protestant Reformation. Only the Orthodox Church remains as the one, united church for the past two thousand years.

      Also, I think  a common misconception is that Orthodox Christians worship the Mother of God or other Saints of God. In my very basic way of  understanding, we are to live in communion with God and His Saints (“cloud of witnesses” – Hebrews 12:1). We venerate (not worship) the Saints. We seek to imitate their Holy lives and ask for their intercessory prayers. Most people would not hesitate to ask a friend to pray for them. How much more efficacious the prayers from the Holy Mother of God or another one of God’s beloved Saints who remain eternally in His presence? 

 What do you love most about the Church? Divine Liturgy in particular?

My practice of the Orthodox faith embodies all of what God has fashioned me to be as a Christian. The Church provides a healthy balance of community, through daily worship and service to others, as well as personal time with God in order that your soul (mind, will and emotions) and spirit might be fed. I am encouraged to live life fully in Christ Jesus without compromising the tenants of the faith. I find myself being continuously challenged to grow in my faith – encouraged to push myself beyond my place of comfort and move closer to God.

The Divine Liturgy is the highlight of the weekly services. It is where I can lay my cares and concerns on the strong shoulders of Christ Jesus. It is where I place my life and the life of my loved ones in the Father’s loving hands. It is a place where I repent of my sins and implore His mercy. It is a place of worship in the Holy Spirit where I am fed the Word of God in two ways – as scripture and as the precious body and blood of Jesus in Holy Communion. It is a place where time and time again, I consecrate my entire life unto Him

How do you share the treasures of the Ancient Faith with those you meet in day-to-day life?

My challenge is not just in loving God when I am alone with Him in prayer, reading His Word or in some other way in fellowship with Him. My greatest challenge is living every part of my life in such a manner that will bring God glory, honor and praise. It is in being faithful to God. It is in demonstrating my faith by serving others wherever God has positioned me. It is in giving to others whatever God has given to me. It is ultimately in seeking to lead others to Christ.

            On my desk, I keep “A Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi” card that many people are probably familiar with. I keep it as a reminder of how I should strive to live my life. I think it summarizes what I am trying to say. It goes as follows: 

 "O Lord, Make me an instrument of your peace;  Where there is hatred, let me sow love;  When there is injury, pardon;  Where there is doubt, faith;  where there is despair, hope;  Where there is darkness, light;  And where there is sadness, joy.  Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;  To be understood, as to understand, To be loved as to love;  For it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

*Picture above is an icon of the Theotokos, a Greek term for the Virgin Mary meaning "God-Bearer".  Jean wished to honor the Theotokos, who is a close mother and intercessor for her.  

A Peaceful Retreat at Holy Cross

At the end of April, I visited Holy Cross Monastery with over 30 of my fellow parishioners from St. George Orthodox Cathedral.  The trip was organized by our Young Adult Fellowship and led by Fr. Andrew Damick. 

We spent the better part of a sunny Saturday touring the monastery grounds, listening to Fr. Seraphim speak on spiritual topics, participating in a moleben where our suffering loved ones were brought before the Lord in prayer, and visiting the Monastery Gift Shop.   

We also enjoyed a delicious lunch with the monks, in silence, as is their custom, while another monk read a spiritual book aloud.   Fr. Segius, who graciously led the tour, showed us the bell tower, the chapel where we learned about their patron saint, St. Panteleimon, the room where incense is rolled by hand in the traditional Athonite style, and he pointed out the small cells that dotted the landscape where the monastics live.   

As we made our way over to the beautiful outdoor chapel, Fr. Sergius spoke to us about the monastic life, their daily routine and answered various questions from our group.   The weather could not have been more agreeable, with plenty of sunshine and gentle breezes to animate the flowering dogwoods. 

Fr. Seraphim, the Abbot of Holy Cross, is such a warm and welcoming host.  His face radiates with kindness and wisdom is in his eyes.  He spoke to us about nourishing our spiritual life and used the verse from Revelation 3:20, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock.   If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me."  to illustrate the fact that God is always present seeking us. 

It was heartwarming to listen to Fr. Seraphim recount the early days of the monastery’s move to rural West Virginia from Missouri in 2000.  He shared some humorous anecdotes from this mostly Baptist community curious about their new Russian Orthodox neighbors.  He also talked about the kind deeds of these same neighbors who, after becoming acquainted with and embracing the hermitage,  have helped wayward pilgrims to find the route to the monastery.   

At the end of our visit, Fr. Seraphim spoke with us again regarding our prayer life.  He shared with us a quote that I will paraphrase from one of the Church Fathers;  ‘If you pray and doubt God hears you or that He will answer your prayers, you aren’t really a Christian.’   Those are strong words which gave me pause to consider my own thoughts on the power of prayer.  He encouraged us to make a daily habit of prayer, even if it is just saying the Jesus Prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”  before we begin our day.  

 I was thankful to have the time to linger at the close of our retreat.  I walked the grounds, visiting the goat herd, taking photos and soaking up the serenity.  I very much look forward to my next visit.  

God Grew Tired of Us

I’m loving Netflix. I signed up a few weeks ago and really enjoy the opportunity to watch films that are not readily available at BlockBuster or the public library. Last week we watched God Grew Tired Of Us, a documentary that won both the Grand Jury Prize Award and also the Audience Award at the 2006 Sundance Film Festival.

The story documents the atrocities of the bloody civil war in Sudan and the subsequent escape of over 20,000 boys (most under the age of 15), dubbed “The Lost Boys” to a refugee camp in Africa. Their barefoot journey across desert land into Kenya is nothing short of miraculous and to witness the camaraderie among survivors, inspirational.  

The story follows a few of the Lost Boys who are welcomed into America to re-settle; some seek a college education and others work various jobs to send money back to the camps to help their struggling friends. Observing America from ones who are new to electricity, running water and supermarkets, let alone airplanes, cell phones, t.v. and all the glitz of the USA, was endearing ..and, at times, insightful into our own cultural failings.

I watched this with my husband and our son and we all gained something from it. With the spotlight on what has happened in Sudan, and the themes of perseverance, love and resiliency, this is a documentary to watch more than once. It’s rated PG for thematic elements and some disturbing images although I would recommend it especially for young people who, if anything like our own children, would benefit greatly by learning of realities outside their comfortable lives. 

Interview with Nina

The following interview is with my friend, Nina, whom I’ve known for several years through an Orthodox online community, Monachos.   Nina has taught me much about the Orthodox faith, including the lives of the saints and the wonder of her own testimony being raised under communism.    Nina’s love for God and the encouragement she offers to others are continually inspiring;  I’m blessed to call her a friend.

The icon above depicts St. Euphrosyne (pronounced you-FROZE-uh-nee) of Moscow, Nina's patron saint.

1) Where were you born and in what church were you raised?

I was born in Albania before communism collapsed, therefore religion was still banned. My family was Christian Orthodox.

2) What was your relationship like with God when you were a child? i.e, your ideas of Him, your experience of Him, what you were taught about communicating with Him?

When I was a child I did not know things about God. We were taught by communist propaganda that God did not exist. However my family (especially my grandparents) were exercising their right to religion secretly and often I would be present during such moments. These are very blessed moments in my life because this is how God called me; He showed compassion and called me through the example of the adults in my family when they were caring for their spiritual needs.

Things I learned about Orthodoxy (not directly about God) I can classify in two groups: 

a) Incidental. b) Purposeful 

In the first group belong stories when I was present by chance where there were talks, or events about Orthodoxy such as the case of my grandmother talking to her cousins and trying to figure out the saint's feastday and who was celebrating on that particular day -since they had to rely on memory because there were no religious calendars. 

In the second group I would include moments like the time when my grandfather gave me my first cross (which was made clandestinely by my uncle) and told me to hide it underneath my clothes at all times, or when grandmothers told me fairytale or chanted hymns which were from the Bible and the Church and I had no idea what these were and I was taught not to repeat them, or say them outside the house (for fear of persecution).

3) Was there ever a time in your life that you didn’t believe in God? If so, what or who convinced you otherwise?

Yes there was. When I started to read at three years old, I started also being brainwashed with the communist propaganda that there is no God. So that were my belief for some years as a child. However often at night before going to sleep I would ponder about metaphysical issues. 

I could not comprehend that from being and existing I would vanish into non-existence after death... And I would start crying silently and go to sleep. I believe these were seeds planted in my soul by God given the circumstances we lived, therefore this was another way of Him calling me to believe in Him. However it is not easy when you do not even know that there is a God, or that the word God even exists since many things were censured at that time. Therefore He decided that at some point it was good for me to learn and encounter Him. 

One day, when I was visiting with my maternal grandparents, I was in their front yard talking to my friends and discussing about the creation of the world. I told them all about the Big Bang theory and also added (as it was taught and written in the text books) that the theory that God created the world it is not true since there is no God. 

While I was so passionately talking to my friends and "teaching" them, my grandfather who must have heard my speech asked me to go and talk to him. My friends left and my grandfather talked with me for a while. I resisted a lot. However after some logical explanation which my grandfather told me, God entered my heart and has never left since! Thank God and may He bless the soul of my grandfather for being His tool for my soul's salvation. 

4) I know through our friendship that you are very knowledgeable about Orthodoxy and the saints in particular. Who is your patron saint? 

My patron Saint is Saint Euphrosyne. There are several of them and I feel connected to all of them and ask for their intercessions always. 

5) When did you come to live in the United States?

More than a decade ago.

6) Could you describe some of the differences in worshipping in Albania and the United States?

There are no essential differences. Differences are only behavioral, or cultural. Ah and the language is different. Also in Tirana I attended the Cathedral and the Archbishop was leading the Liturgy and there were priests, monks, deacons. In my present parish we have one priest (for about 500 families) and recently a deacon was assigned to our parish also. Thank God because our priests work non-stop and it is a very demanding job.

7) What do you love most about the Church? about Divine Liturgy in particular?

The Church is my Home. I can not really pinpoint what I like most about it... Divine Liturgy is also beautiful and each moment is so meaningful and expresses our entire Faith, and God's love for humanity. The Liturgy here is the Divine Liturgy that happens in Heaven where angels sing praises to our God.

8) Being recently married, could you describe some elements from the Orthodox wedding ceremony for readers who may be completely unfamiliar?

As the priest who crowned us said to the guests (the majority of whom were not Orthodox Christians) in the church: "What do we do in a wedding? We celebrate the couple, we dance, we eat, we drink. All these happen also during the Orthodox wedding ceremony." 

There is the blessing of the rings and the betrothal before the couple is crowned. And after the couple is crowned the common cup (symbolizing the common life the couple will share) with wine is given by the priest and afterward the dance of Isaiah around the altar takes place, during which the hymn: "Isaiah dances..." is chanted and the couple and the sponsor all connected to the priest and the Gospel leading the way circle the altar three times. 

9) What resources would you suggest to someone interested in learning about the ancient faith?

It depends on the preferences of different people. For me personally, hagiography (lives of saints) was very crucial when learning about Orthodoxy since it gave me plenty of examples to admire and motivated me. Lives of Saints are Orthodoxy in practice. Also attending Divine Liturgy and other Services of the Church is a very profitable way to learn more. I would also recommend books, and online material and talking to Orthodox priests and believers. 

10) How do you share the treasures of the Orthodox faith with people you meet in day-to-day life?

I try to keep in mind the saying from a Church Father who said: "Daily preach the Gospel, if necessary use words." However it is very difficult for me, the sinner that I am, to be able to preach the Gospel through my actions. 

Remembering the Martyrs Under Communism

"A flower, if you bruise it under your feet, rewards you by giving you its perfume"

Richard Wurmbrand

Previously, I shared with you a saint, Pastor Wurmbrand, the founder of Voice of the Martyrs.

Pastor Wurmbrand was a Romanian evangelical minister who spent 14 years in communist prisons including three years in solitary confinement.  His book, Tortured for Christ, had a profound effect on my life, as it widened the scope of my understanding of God and theosis.   Even after 32 years of christianity, I saw myself as an infant, not comprehending the love as evidenced in the lives of those who have suffered for Christ.

As far as I know, he is not officially canonized in any church, I call him a saint because of his extraordinary testimony to the power of love through our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.   As 2009 marks a centennial celebration of his life, I wanted to share a recently discovered video of Pastor Wurmbrand.  In this clip, he is telling his own story of being in solitary confinement in a communist prison and the truths he experienced that are for all christians.

As we go through the prayers and services of Holy Week in our free countries, let us remember those who have suffered for Christ in hostile nations.  May his memory be eternal!

Interview with Fr. Andrew

I am honored to share with you an interview with Rev. Fr. Andrew S Damick, our assistant pastor at St. George Orthodox Cathedral. I appreciate his time, especially considering his full schedule during Great Lent and pray that his insights and experiences may bless you. Thank you, Fr. Andrew, for being so approachable and willing to share your faith and testimony with others.  

1) How were you first introduced to the Orthodox Church?

" My introduction to Orthodox Christianity was on the Internet, back in 1997.  In those days, the web was small enough that one could read just about everything there on Orthodoxy within the space of a few weeks.  What got me looking was a brief comment on the Orthodox Church in a conversation with a friend who was telling me that he was planning on becoming Roman Catholic.  In the course of the chat, the Orthodox Church was mentioned -- I don't recall if it was by me or by him -- and that stuck in my mind long enough so that I did a search online for any information I could find.

Unless there's no other option, I wouldn't recommend an introduction to Orthodoxy via the Internet these days, because there are now so many people representing themselves as Orthodox who may not actually be or who are associated with the Church for secular reasons.  As with everything on the Internet, caveat lector.

Eventually, I found myself on an email group dedicated to discussions between Orthodox Christians and Evangelical Protestants.  I asked a number of questions there, and after some time, I received an email from one of the members inviting me to church (we lived in the same city).  My first visit to an Orthodox Church was to a tiny Russian Orthodox mission with about ten members borrowing a chapel in an Episcopalian administrative building.  It was humble in almost every sense of the word, but I saw Heaven meet Earth there that Sunday morning.  Nothing afterward was ever the same.

Two weeks later, found myself in an Antiochian parish which was closer to my home.  The pastor and the people were warm, welcoming and ready to answer my questions.  I stayed and was received into the Church six months later."


2) In what denomination were you raised? and, how, if any , did those early experiences prepare you for Orthodoxy?

" I was not raised in a single denomination, especially because my family moved around so much (I've moved 19 times in my nearly 34 years).  Many of the churches we attended were independent, Baptist-style churches, along with a number of bona fide Baptist churches belonging to the Southern Baptist Convention or others.  We also attended a Grace Brethren church when I was in high school.  For about three years in the early 1980s, we went to a different church every weekend -- my parents were missionaries raising support.

The greatest contribution from my Christian upbringing was a genuine love for Christ imparted by my parents, who also saw to it that I received a strong Christian identity that had no problem being different from the rest of the world.  One of the memories which sticks strongly with me was the footwashing and agape meal rituals that the Grace Brethren practice before receiving communion together. Though they don't understand these things sacramentally, it helped to prepare me for liturgical worship in that I saw that deep meaning could be found in ritual, which is by no means "empty." "



3) Has there ever been a time in your life when you didn’t believe in God? And, if so, what convinced you otherwise?

" There never was a time that I declared myself an atheist, though I functioned as one a few years in the beginning of college (I was an undergraduate for seven years, working on two majors and three minors; I eventually dropped one of the majors just a semester shy of finishing it).  My family was attending an Evangelical mega-church, whose Sunday morning worship consisted of a short pop-rock concert followed by 45-60 minute sermon.  I believed I was "saved," and so I lost sight of what else I could actually do as a Christian.  There seemed to be no real progress to make, not in any critical sense. What is "growth" when Heaven and salvation are not at stake?

As a result, I began to drift from church, and I would work on Sunday mornings fairly often.  Prior to the catalyst conversion mentioned above with my incipient Roman Catholic convert friend, there began to be a slow preparation for the search for beauty and worship.  I expressed this longing one time at a college student Bible study I attended and was mostly met with blank stares.

So, while I wasn't an atheist in terms of my belief, I acted like one.

The only logical consequence I could see to the theology that I'd received (particularly the "once saved, always saved" element) was that I was "saved" and there was nothing left for me to do spiritually but wait for Heaven.  What changed my mind was my encounter with Orthodoxy, which teaches that salvation is a dynamic process that takes one's whole life and continues even into eternity.  "Going to Heaven when you die" is really only one small step in a much larger journey of communion with God and becoming by grace what Christ is by nature.

The irony is that, while I was raised with the idea of a "personal relationship with Jesus," I really didn't find anything that functioned like an actual relationship until I came face to face with His Church."



4) What author, or other person(s), was the most influential in your conversion to the Orthodox faith?

" My theological "awakening" began with reading a few works by C. S. Lewis as a teenager and young man.  That led me to want a serious faith with some actual solidity to it.  Of course, Lewis, so much beloved by Evangelicals, would hardly be considered one of them if they actually had gone to church with him.  He was essentially a sort of Anglo-Catholic (in current terms, though he was just a normal Anglican in his own day), believing in things like the reality of the Eucharist and even Purgatory (of course, the Orthodox part ways with him on the latter of those two and a few other items).

I also read "Becoming Orthodox" by Fr. Peter Gillquist, which, while it is simple in its approach, very much appealed to me as a Baptist-leaning Evangelical.  It really started me thinking, and then I read "The Orthodox Church" and "The Orthodox Way," both by Kallistos (Timothy) Ware.  I also read "For the Life of the World" by Fr. Alexander Schmemann, which brought light for me onto why Christianity must be sacramental.

Probably the most influential person in my conversion was Fr. Nicholas Sorensen, the parish priest at my home parish.  He took a brash, egotistical young man and brought him into Orthodoxy.  I still have the same weaknesses, but thanks to people like Fr. Nicholas, I know there's actually a point to struggling against them."



5) What theological obstacles did you face as a catechumen, if any?

" The biggest issue for me was the relationship between faith and works. I mostly dealt with it before I became a catechumen, but it had been so ingrained in me for so many years that the two were opposed that it took a minor miracle before I could in any sense see their true connection.  There was no logical argument that lead me to conclude that they were not opposed, but rather experience of worshiping in an Orthodox manner showed me that opposing them made no sense.  Of course one cannot earn salvation!  But to sit back and just wait for God to bestow it on me without any cooperation on my part other than mere assent makes no sense either.  Such an approach implies that God gives me free will for one moment only and then violates it at all other times.

I really had no problems with the usual things that normally give Protestant converts difficulty:  venerating Mary and the saints, icons, sacraments, hierarchy, etc.  I think that my theological imagination had been so shaped by reading men like Lewis and Tolkien that I had a built-in longing for the holy in terms of the physical. The truth of the Incarnation makes a Christian faith with a physical side to it completely logical."



6) When and how did you know that you were called to the priesthood?

" People ask me this every so often, and I really have no good answer. There was no moment that I knew, except perhaps when the bishop put the Eucharist into my hands just after ordaining me!  For me, it was something of a growing realization, and at some point (not sure when), I found that my desires to be (first) a musical theatre writer and director and (later) a professor of English literature had been replaced with a desire for the priesthood.

The priesthood is really the only thing that remotely fulfills everything I have ever loved my whole life:  Christ, poetry, music, beauty, truth, care for others, conversation, etc.  I'm not really as enthused about the administrative part of it, but thank God, that's not critical to the ordination!  That can always be delegated where necessary."



7) What new insights have you gained about your calling during your time at St. George Orthodox Cathedral?

" One of the difficult lessons I have learned since my conversion and during my time at the cathedral has been that piety is not equal to faith.  There are people who have one without the other.  Ideally, both should work together and each should inform the other, but they are not the same thing.

I've also learned from my mentor here, Fr. Olof Scott, that not every hill is worth dying on.  The wise man tries to pick the ones worth charging up and leaves the rest alone.  With some, you tunnel under.

One of my greatest joys in emerging from the rarefied seminary life into parish life has been the discovery that people really do yearn for the Gospel.  It can be easy to lose sight of that in seminary, and it feeds my soul to see people meet Christ and grow in their love for Him."



8) You have often stated that evangelism is a priority in your ministry. What positive changes in this area have you witnessed in the Orthodox Church over the last few years? What still needs to be addressed?

" While there are some encouraging things in Orthodox evangelism over the past number of years, overall, the state of the Orthodox Church, both in America and abroad, is absolutely terrible in this regard. There are of course historical reasons for this, but our first fathers in the faith lived in times far more difficult than our own and yet still managed to turn the Roman Empire upside down.

I am encouraged, however, both in what I've seen in our parish here and elsewhere.  People are becoming more serious about their faith. The percentage of Sunday-only Christians is shrinking in the face of a growing awakening of the people of God.  Many new parishes are being founded, dedicated not to the preservation of a national culture but to the expansion of the new nation, the Christian race, which welcomes every human being into it and shares the one common Blood of Christ.

It fascinates me to see that people who become serious about their faith almost automatically begin to invite people to church and to share with them Christ's power and energy.  As such, while I do believe that there is an urgent need to train all parishioners to become missionaries, I believe firmly that the first step in that training is the formation of a strong, consistent and frequent worship life informed by a vigorous education in the doctrine and practice of our faith.  These are the things I've tried to do in my priesthood and will continue to do, God willing. "



9) To someone who is from another faith or denomination who is interested in Orthodoxy, what resources would you suggest?

" There is no better resource than a visit to an actual Orthodox Christian worship service.  That's where we do the real work of our faith.  Nothing can ever substitute for an encounter with real Orthodox Christians.  Ours is an incarnate faith, not something one can learn from a book.

If people are interested in reading something, however, the books I mentioned above by Gillquist and Ware are of course fine introductory material.  ("The Orthodox Church" is more informational and educational, while "The Orthodox Way" is more formational and "spiritual.")  I also highly recommend "Beginning to Pray" by Anthony Bloom, which is easy to read but genuinely profound, as well as Schmemann's "For the Life of the World," which shows how the only bulwark against secularism really is a Christianity expressed in sacrament and the holiness of the physical."


*Photo is courtesy of Fr.Andrew, from October 2006 when he was ordained to the holy priesthood in the Orthodox Church by His Grace, Bishop Antoun (Khouri) of Miami and Southest at All Saints Orthodox Church in Raleigh, NC.

Upcoming Interviews

For a while now, I’ve wanted to share with you a few individuals that have blessed my life. These are people who radiate light from heaven and who, in a multitude of ways, have enriched my understanding and experience of God. I am pleased that several of them have agreed to be interviewed for this blog and I’ll be sharing their words with you soon. Through their unique gifts and triumphs in life, I hope to bring you a measure of joy, wonder, and comfort in your journey with Christ. Stay tuned!

St. Melangell

One of the many treasures Orthodoxy has brought to my life has been the doorway to the lives of the saints.  Before discovering the ancient faith, I had only a vague notion

 of those men and women whose lives shone forth the light of Christ.  

Nowadays I am introduced to a new saint on a regular basis.  Sometimes through church or Ancient Faith Radio or a book I’m reading.  Occasionally I find someone new while surfing the net perusing the latest works of my favorite artists.  With each new discovery I find such interesting tidbits and places to include on that “Must See!”  list.  

While browsing Patricia Banker’s latest pieces (pictured above), the beautiful illustration and story of Saint Melangell (pronounced Mel - eng - eth) captivated me.    She is a 7th century saint from Wales that renounced her royal heritage to live in the forest and devote her days to prayer and solitude.  

As the traditional story is told, she fled from her father when pressed to marry and settled in Pennant, at the head of the Tanant Valley in Northern Wales.  There she lived for 15 years in solitude until she was discovered by the Welsh Prince, Brochfael Ysgithrog while he was hunting in the area.   As his hounds pursued their prey, the frightened hare ran to St. Melangell and hid in the folds of her garment.  The hounds were quiet and refused to snag the hare, much to the amazement of the prince.  

Prince Brochfael was so moved by her beauty, purity and love for God that he asked her to marry him.  When she refused, he gifted her with a large parcel of land to be used as a monastery and sanctuary for people and animals.  This area became known as Pennant Melangell and the beautiful saint became Abbess of a religious order there.  Pilgrims still visit this sacred area even to this day.  

According to the St. Melangell’s Church website, there has been a christian church in this area of the Berwyn Mountains for over 1200 years.  St. Melangell’s Church (pictured below), a simple Norman structure, has been beautified over the years with the most recent rebuilding being completed in 1990.   With the blend of Celtic and Romanesque motifs, 15th century carvings, bronze statuary and a natural outdoor landscape with ancient Yew trees, I could breathe in this piece of heaven for several days. 

St. Melangell remains the patron saint of hares and other small animals as well as the natural environment.  In Wales, St. Melangell's feast day is celebrated on May 27th; the ancient feast day is marked as January 31st.

Other related links of interest:  Saints Preserved

and Saints Mary & Martha Orthodox Monastery

Green Bank, Paper Airplanes and Litmus Paper

A Tribute to an Incredible Boy

Last Tuesday, on St. Patrick’s Day, I spent a beautiful day with our son.  He had advanced to the Regional Math Field Day, held at NRAO in Green Bank, WV this year and what a privilege it was for me to be part of this special event!

We began our day around 5:00 am, in order to have breakfast and make the 3 hr. drive north.  The sights were spectacular on Route 92, with dense fog lifting slowly to allow brilliant shafts of morning light to accentuate the tidy farmhouses along the highway.  The air was crisp and while Ben snoozed in the seat beside me, I savored my coffee and the rolling landscape that offered a new discovery around every bend.

Ben is such a neat kid, often quiet, but thoughtful and usually trying to figure out how things work.  He has been this way since he was a toddler and one of our favorite stories is of him at Colonial Williamsburg in Virginia.  We were on a tour of the historic sights and while my husband & I were listening to the guide in the courtyard of the Governor’s Palace, Ben was apart from our group a little bit, standing over a grated drain inlet  with his hands resting on bent knees.  As he peered  intently down that dark shaft, we walked over and said, “What are you doing?”    Without looking up, he continued to study and then our almost 3 yr. old said, “Water down there..”  “Where does it go?”

I love his inquisitiveness and his ability to understand systems and mechanics.  Math and science seem to come easy to him and I am thankful for his gifts.  When he was selected for the County Math Field Day, he barely said a word about it.   And when he placed 3rd at that level, he didn’t want me talking about it.  He considers praise annoying ...and embarrassing if it’s done in front of others.  I admire this quality in him, although it’s been a learning curve for me, as I like to give praise and pats on the back. In talking with other moms, I’m finding this trait common in boys.

At the Observatory, the students tested from 10:15 am to about 3:15 pm with 5 parts to the field day:  Quantity Estimation, Group Activity, Written Test, Mental Estimations and Relays.  The folks at the NRAO were wonderful hosts; providing breakfast items and beverages and also a full lunch for everyone.  The day went smoothly and while Ben was testing, I enjoyed a tour of the Observatory and then sitting in my van, soaking up the sunshine and reading some favorite hymns and prayers of St. Patrick.

All in all, it was a great first experience for the both of us.  And, even though he didn’t earn an award at the end of the day, he said he enjoyed the challenges and would try to go again next year. 

Among Ben’s hobbies, he enjoys making paper airplanes.  He has a book that shows how to make a variety of plane types and more recently, he discovered a website that includes video on how to make even more styles.  When he told us at dinner one night that he could make a rocket out of paper, my husband smiled at him and said, “If you can make a rocket out of paper, you’ll probably work for NASA”.  “I’ll show you” was Ben’s only reply.

And so, after dinner, we watched him take a spherical object he had fashioned out of paper, which included many tucks and folds, outside to the patio.  With a lighter in hand, he placed the small flame near a hole in the paper and WHHHOOOOSHH, it took off across a distance of about 4 feet and did not consume the paper.  We all applauded and asked if he could do it again!  He beamed as he demonstrated his craft a second time.

Ben is also knowledgeable about the fish in his care.  I have finally learned to stop fussing and asking if he remembered to feed them because he has shown me time and again that he is on top of it.  As he was cleaning the tanks one day, I observed from a distance that he was measuring and calculating something, as the bathroom counter looked more like a science lab rather than a place to brush your teeth and comb your hair.   Peering over his shoulder, I saw that he had made his own paper strips to test the pH of the water in his tanks.  “Oh, Ben, ...wow...you made your own pH paper?!”  I asked in wonder.

“It’s called litmus paper, mom” was his matter of fact reply.  It was no big deal to him; he needed to know the pH of the water and so, found a solution.  Simple.

What is nonchalant to him is incredible to me.  I admire this child and am thankful to be him mom. 

"May God grant Ben many, many years, enable him to use his gifts to glorify God's name and grow him in Truth and obedience always."

  

*Photograph is from the NRAO website.

Awake O Sleeper

As I sit here smelling the sweet Nazareth incense from Holy Cross Monastery, my thoughts are on St. Benedict and his Rule. I’ve written about this mighty saint before, but as we are in Great Lent in the Orthodox Church, I find his counsel most appreciated.

Great Lent is a time of increased fasting, prayer and almsgiving, a lean season that balances on the hope of springtime, renewal, and celebration in our Risen Saviour. I do not just want to go through the motions of Lent, I wish to experience Christ, to know the Pascal mystery in a real and intimate way. And through my efforts I am reminded daily of my weaknesses. I eat too much. I ponder too much and waste time too much. I yearn for discipline and yet, on a whim, will snag a second...or fourth Oreo. And these are just the petty things.

A much larger weak spot is my fear of flying. I joke about myself that I pray more on airplanes than any other time in life, but in truth, it’s a real fear that I have to deal with from time to time and it’s BIG, UGLY and RELENTLESS.  

St. Benedict says to “keep death daily before your eyes” (4.47) which I find an easy course when embarking on a plane, but he also says “Look forward to holy Easter with joy and spiritual longing” (49.7) How may I have joy while also contemplating my mortality?

The Christian life is filled with such seemingly contradictory maxims: “ You must lose your life to find it” “Through death, death was destroyed” “By Christ, we are made strong through our weakness” and “Rejoice through suffering, being thankful for our trials”. My quest in reading St. Benedict’s Rule is learning how to live in contradiction, how to be a peaceful pilgrim in this noisy world.

As I face my fear of flying, I realize that I’m led to a place of great vulnerability.  A place I would altogether avoid if circumstances were different. I am awake, attentive to my mortality and roused from a comfortable slumber. I realize how much I desire the mighty wings of God and how illusory is my control in life.

“The promise of the Kingdom is not that we shall escape the hard things, but that we shall be given grace to face them, to enter into them, and to come through them. The promise is not that we shall not be afraid. It is that we need not fear fear.” - Esther de Waal, Living With Contradiction: An Introduction to Benedictine Spirituality

In hindsight, what a blessing to confront this weakness head-on for this is exactly where Christ meets us.  As I continually prayed, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner” my thoughts changed from an irrational torrent to a calm river of hope.  Through my vulnerability, living waters flowed ...how can I not embrace these occasions of spiritual growth?

Secretariat: Triple Crown Legend

If I was raised and lived far removed from churches, Holy Scripture, or anyone proclaiming Christ, ...I would know God, my Creator, through horses.

I’ve had a love of horses for as long as I can remember and have shared my life with them since age 6. Reading about horses, watching them on t.v., drawing them, spending hours at the barn riding, grooming and listening to them munch hay is a tightly woven part of my life’s tapestry.

I can recall a little motorized toy that my parents bought for me on Christmas one year that allowed me to place each differently colored horse on a little track, press ‘go’ and watch them race over and over again with varying outcomes, much to my delight. 

I spent days outside in the summer reveling in Walter Farley’s Black Stallion series
and actually fell over backward in my lawn chair after throwing my hands in the air, celebratory style, as I read about the conclusion of a long and arduous desert horse race.

It isn’t the sport of racing that appeals to me as much as the opportunity to witness perfection in God’s most noble creature. In fact, there’s much to lament about the sport ...the misuse of drugs, some calloused owners and insurance policies, the questionable breeding and other ethical matters.

What I wish to share with you is the essence of the animal, a heart and spirit that kindles praise to my Creator.

There are times in our life when we can witness perfection or experience it ourselves as God’s grace is given. When we see an athlete such as Terry Fox and his Marathon of Hope or Lyman Bostock who sought to return a salary he felt he didn’t earn, or Troy Polamalu who speaks openly about his love for God, we can gain a sense of something outside of themselves, something greater...something far greater and wonderful. In animals, perhaps even more so since they haven’t the propensity toward sin. Every perfect thing in us is from God above; how glorious when we gain glimpses of the eternal on earth!

I was only a toddler when Secretariat wowed the world with his stamina and heart. But through the recordings of his races and the words of those closest to him, I can share in his amazing life. In watching him run as God created him to do, it is not just thrilling to behold, but deeply humbling in the sense that here, before us, is a glimpse of perfection, of God’s handiwork.

In 1973, Secretariat won each leg comprising the Triple Crown: the Kentucky Derby, The Preakness Stakes and the Belmont Stakes, setting new track records in each and a new world record in the Belmont. Since 1919, we’ve only seen 11 Triple Crown winners...and after the Belmont Stakes, the last and longest of the races at a mile and a half, Pat Lynch remarked:

“It was like the Lord was holding the reins, ..Secretariat was one of His creatures and maybe whispered to him a “Go” and that horse really went. It was really an almost supernatural experience...it really was.” 

--Pat Lynch NY Racing Association 1957-1981
on Secretariat’s performance in the Belmont Stakes

*To the best of my knowledge the above image is in public domain; for more information on Secretariat, please visit www.secretariat.com 

Never Quit

My daughter is home from school today with a tummy virus.  We've spent some time working on her skills telling time and reading and then she needed to lay down to rest.  When I asked her if she wanted to watch a movie, mentioning some of our favorites, Cinderella, Little Bear and Bug's Life, she said, "How 'bout the Giant movie?"  

She meant "Facing the Giants" , a film that we discovered several months ago and have watched as a family on several occasions.  It's a Christian film, from an evangelical mindset of a high school football coach's struggle to win, in life and on the field.  It's a great story with themes to warm and encourage the heart no matter your denomination.

I'm posting my favorite scene below:

Victory through Christ; thoughts on St. Terese of Lisieux

I had intended to write about St. Valentine last week, but fierce storms and a power outage that lasted for days altered my plans. We live in a rural area that experiences frequent outages and although it’s fun to live like pioneers for a few hours, I find that it’s more a lesson in patience and self-control. Which brings me round to thinking on St. Terese of Lisieux and her “little way”.  

A Catholic friend recently loaned to me a film about St. Terese’s life. She was known for small acts of kindness and demonstrating what it means to crucify our will in favor of allowing the light of Christ to shine through us. If you’d like to learn more about St. Terese, you might enjoy reading at the Society of the Little Flower website. I didn’t know much about St. Terese before watching the film and now find myself greatly inspired by her life.  

Her life encourages my walk with Christ by helping me to take the high road in everyday circumstances. She reminds me that it is not necessary that I do grand things for God, such as building a cathedral or living among the poor in order to minister to them, but it is necessary that I become aware of my own sins so that I may repent and do small things in a grand way, or more accurately, God’s way.

Small things such as placing my needs behind another’s, listening to someone’s heartaches when you feel pressed for time or even giving a smile or warm words to someone who has been unkind. I experienced a victory through Christ a few days ago that is worth sharing for anyone who may battle a common demon, ... anger.

Anger thrives on haste, self-righteousness and pride. I know my enemy very well and yet struggle to find peace when I know his approach is near. It is only by the grace of God that I am able to turn away and see a different path when all my buttons are pressed and the fuse is at the end. But it so happened a few days back that God quieted my mouth when I experienced hot words and gave me such a taste of sweetness... victory through Christ. I learned that if I can just hang on, over the crest of the wave, there is stillness, peace and mercy on the other side; it’s only in our nearness to our Creator that we are able to forget self, thus foiling our enemy.  

I’m grateful to St. Terese for radiating the love of Christ, for bearing witness to heaven through her selfless acts of love toward others. May God have mercy on me and enable me to call to mind His wondrous saints in times of temptation.  

"I applied myself above all to practice quite hidden little acts of virtue; thus I liked to fold the mantles forgotten by the Sisters, and sought a thousand opportunities of rendering them service."  St. Terese of Lisieux

St. Brigid's Cross

In a popular icon of St. Brigid she is depicted with her handmade cross of rushes.  I have one of these crosses on my living room wall and have found it is usually a conversation piece, with one guest believing it was some sort of ninja tool!   Legend says that the saint formed this cross in order to minister to a dying man; one version goes like this:

"A pagan chieftain from the neighborhood of Kildare was dying. Christians in his household sent for Brigid to talk to him about Christ. When she arrived the chieftain was raving. As it was impossible to instruct this delirious man, hopes for his conversion seemed doubtful. Brigid sat down at his bedside and began consoling him. As was customary, the dirt floor was strewn with rushes both for warmth and cleanliness. Brigid stooped down and started to weave them into a cross, fastening the points together. The sick man asked what she was doing. She began to explain the cross, and as she talked his delirium quieted and he questioned her with growing interest. Through her weaving, he converted and was baptized at the point of death. Since then the cross of rushes has been venerated in Ireland."

I think it's interesting to note that both St. Patrick and St. Brigid utilized elements of nature, shamrocks and rushes, respectively, in order to minister to those seeking the Divine. It calls to mind Romans 1:20, "For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse..."  All the firmament shouts His glory, how much more in the hands of His precious saints!

Menu ideas for St. Brigid's Feast Day

I am not one for adventure cooking.  Because our family likes to eat dinner together, I prefer simple meals that do not involve much forethought.   This time of year, you’ll find such standards as meatloaf, chilli, taco salad, spaghetti, baked pork chops and various soups and salads on the rotating menu.   When it comes to the fancy stuff, I leave that to my husband whose fondest hobby is trying assorted recipes for everything from cornish game hens to guacamole.

Imagine his (and our kids) surprise when he arrived at the dinner table recently to find Boxty Pancakes and Beacán Bruithe (stuffed mushrooms) created by yours truly.  I found the traditional Irish recipes in a  book given to me by my mom titled, Celtic Teas With Friends by Elizabeth Knight and illustrated by Hugh Harrison.  It's a colorful and entertaining little book with rich illustrations and brief commentary that includes bits of history, folklore, recipes and common teatime traditions enjoyed in Wales, Cornwall, Ireland and Scotland.

The recipes were listed in conjunction with a tea for St. Brigid’s Feast Day which is coming up soon on February 1st.  As St. Brigid is my patron saint of course the menu for this particular tea piqued my curiosity and I decided to try a few.    I surprised myself ...I enjoyed making these dishes just as much as eating them!    The boxty pancakes combined mashed potatoes with raw grated potatoes, buttermilk, flour and baking soda and were especially good served up hot out of my cast iron skillet.   My husband went on so about the scrumptious dishes that I think I’ll have to do a little more adventure cooking this year.    I believe I can sense my Nanny's (my late paternal grandmother) smile even as I type that.

With whatever foods you decide to celebrate Super Bowl Sunday, St. Brigid’s Day, may God bless your table with plenty.

Elizabeth: The Golden Age

This movie came out in  2007 and although I didn’t catch it on the big screen, I finally rented it several months ago.  Since hubby & I recently watched David Starkey’s History Channel documentary on Queen Elizabeth, I’m thinking of this lady who so captures my imagination. 

Elizabeth I is one of my heroes, one of those people from history that I am continually intrigued with.  That may sound strange coming from an Orthodox Christian who might easily identify with the Catholic struggle under this Protestant Queen, and yet it is her restraint, her firm resolve to avert the bloodbath that her half-sister Mary had ordained, that fosters my admiration.

Elizabeth:  The Golden Age, starring Cate Blanchett, is the sequel to the 1998 film, Elizabeth, which tells the story, albeit loosely, of the beginning of her reign in 1559.  The Golden Age picks up in the middle of her 45 year reign as the tensions with Roman Catholic Spain were at an all-time high and war was on the horizon.    

I thought the Golden Age was an artistic achievement with rich costumes, authentic sets and ethereal scenes that would make for excellent oils.  In this way, The Golden Age directed by Shekhar Kapur, is superior to its prequel.   And Cate Blanchett simply IS Elizabeth I.  I cannot think of anyone more suitable for the role.    However, that’s about the extent of my praise.

I kept waiting to be awed by this film, by explosive and intelligent speeches, by scenes created to flesh out Elizabeth’s mastery of multiple languages and political finese, but they simply didn’t materialize.   I was left pondering several scenes, wondering if Hollywood had gone too far in manipulating the truth in order to dazzle. Ugh.  The truth of her life is much more dazzling than the scene created of an (erroneous) youthful Elizabeth riding out on a great steed to deliver a powerful speech to encourage her troops to defeat the Spanish Armada.

The personal anguish that Elizabeth must have battled, the realities of being a woman and also a Queen, forever in danger of assassination attempts and plots to overthrow her, is played out well in the film, even if artistic license is taken here as well. 

This personal battle is also why she is a woman I most admire.  Elizabeth made difficult choices and always in the interest of her country, in securing England’s place in the world, in protecting her from the Inquisition.  She ruled during the fire of the Protestant Reformation and showed wisdom when she said, “I have no desire to make windows into mens souls”  as she tolerated Catholicism in her Protestant land.  Although she removed icons as idolatrous, I tend to view her as carrying out her father's desires and standing firm against a corrupt papacy.

All in all, I’d give Elizabeth: The Golden Age a C+ because it’s a beautiful recreation of one of my favorite periods in history but it’s too much symbolism over substance to warrant a hearty applause.

If you’re a fan of Queen Elizabeth I, I’d recommend the History Channel’s  4 part documentary by David Starkey; we found this series at our local library.

Best Wishes

 Congratulations President Obama.

May God grant you health, guidance and wisdom in your service to this great nation.

President Bush,

Thank you for serving the United States of America 

and making decisions

based upon your convictions rather than popular opinion.

THANK YOU for keeping my family safe in the post 9/11 world.

May God bless you and keep you.

Hats off to the Steelers!

What an amazing game last night!  I hope to see the Steelers go all the way to Super Bowl victory =-)  Troy Polamalu made an impressive showing on the field against the Ravens, but did you know he is also an Orthodox Christian?  In an age where we have more news stories about star athletes serving time for  lawless behaviour, it was refreshing to find a Yahoo! Sports interview with Mr. Polamalu at Mind in the Heart blog.

Enjoy!

Snapshot ~ Friday afternoon

I am reading